Empower Yourself Young Woman

dueling fiddles and pakistani rugs......

2006-11-19T14:53:00.000-06:00

Yesterday afternoon, Graham was such a gentleman and rode down to my class with me in Lincoln Square. I am really digging on this class. It is a level 3 improv class. We are learning some different fingering patterns, and using the pentatonic scale to improv with some blues riffs right now. One of my favorite parts is the fiddle duels. We split up into groups of two and do a play and response kind of thing. The man I played with yesterday was one of the best violinists I have had the pleasure of working with so far in a class - and he sounded amazing. I was a little worried I would not be able to keep up with him, but managed to hold my own pretty well. Good times.

I have been in touch with the violin teacher at the local community college now. She is going to work with me starting in January. It is classical violin, so quite a change from what I have been doing. I am excited. I am also looking into joining the DuPage Chorale class, as it is non-audition and I think might be a nice way to meet some people and be a part of making some beautiful music. They do mainly classical vocal pieces - which I loved doing when I was in high school. I will get credit for both things towards the AFA. I am excited that this process of starting an AFA is rolling. Now, I just have to figure out how the hell I am going to pay for it. hmm. This is the hard part.

Last night we finally tracked down the movie Strangers on a Train. The classic Hitchcock film has been quite elusive since I have been looking to watch it. We went to 4 different video stores by the time we found it. It was pretty good - though the end with the out of control merry-go-round was a bit much. I was like !&^#!@&^%#^%$??? what?? This is ridiculous! Tonight is Crispin Glover! WOO!

Went to church this morning and they had a guest from a fair trade organization that works with Mennonite Churches in the USA and villages in Pakistan, offering the most beautiful rugs, I have ever seen, at fair trade prices. This fair trade model supports artisans, families and villages in Pakistan. They are also working on a project, where the earthquake a couple years ago devistated countless villages in the mountains. This project through Ten Thousand Villages and MCC is helping villages to rebuild and create sustainable living conditions in a very harsh, and still unsteady, environment It was really wonderful to hear about the work they are doing, and see the photos. I would LOVE to be able to buy one of those rugs - but they are very expensive, and justly so. One rug can take a number of people 4-6 months to complete!! Some have 1200 knots of yarn per inch! They are absolutely exquisite!! Someday I hope to be able to have one, and have it passed down through the family.

http://rugs.tenthousandvillages.com/

Speaking of passed down - my mom is preparing to move from St. Louis to rural New York for her retirement. While her selling the house I have lived in for a good half of my life is going to be sad, I know she is making the right move and her new life in New York promises to be peaceful and abundant. She is planning on getting rid of most of her posessions and has said, "anything you want? let me know...." Well, the desk that belonged to my great grandfather is amazing, and I don't want that to leave the family. So, I will likely hold on to that. But, I am hoping she will let us have her piano. It is a lovely upright and would be such a joy to have in our apartment. Ok, so we don't have room....we'd MAKE room!! The cost of getting it here could be a lot - so it might not happen.....but? fingers crossed...... :)

Alright - clean.....read.....violin.....and then off to the city to pick up my pal and see Crispin! yes!!

crispin!

2006-11-15T22:14:00.000-06:00

Oh oh oh! I am going to see Crispin Glover this weekend......he is doing his slideshow presentation and then screening one of his whacked out movies at the Musicbox Theatre down on Southport. When I was in high school I LOVED his record and I have always wanted to see him do his performance thing. eee! I am going with my friend Rocky, and we are both psyched. It will be nice to get out with a friend and do something. It's been a long time. I don't think I have gone out to a concert or a movie since I saw Dead Can Dance over a year ago. Wow. Borat is also on my list.......

I have now blogged two days in a row. I think it may be a record. However, I tend to blog when I am procrastinating other things. I wanted to spend an hour on the violin tonight and an hour reading for exams. I have done neither and it is 10pm. Oops! I did get 20 min in on the exercise bike and my knee feels great. I also did the exercises the PT wants me to do. We had to make a run to the grocery store which took up a good chunk of the evening.

I spoke with the guy in charge of individual instruction at the local comm college tonight, and I will be speaking to the violin teacher tomorrow. I got officially accepted today, via mail.....but it's not like I expected anything different. Still, it is nice to get things in the mail that say, "yes! we will have you!" :) I hope that the teacher will take me on with hour classes instead of 30 min ones. I don't even know if I can afford that, but I am hopeful.

Work was.....well....work. Not much to report on. It's been a pretty slow week. I had a number of fires to put out last week regarding international shipments and other things which sound boring, and are boring.......*yawn* Tomorrow we are having a pre-Thanksgiving potluck brunch at our morning meeting. This was planned by a woman I work with, who will do anything to keep from actually doing work......this includes making sign up sheets with pictures of turkeys on them - the day before the meal. *shrug* She is a dear woman and her heart is in the right place, but I struggle sometimes with her.

I really want the weekend to be here......and then, just a few more days until a 5 day weekend for me! wow!

Okay - I am going to go do something productive.......goodnight

here it is.....

2006-11-14T22:04:00.000-06:00

.....this is the house I drive past every night on my way home from work. There is no way we can afford it and I am coveting it something wicked. It is quite small, but has a spaceous and lovely backyard. Every night I sigh a breath of relief to see the for sale sign still in front of it......the price dropped again today.......I am not holding out for a miracle.....yet? I am.

Also, I could ride my bike to work.....even walk.....

since the last time I blogged......

2006-11-14T21:52:00.000-06:00

- I started working at InterVarsity Press handling International accounts and the continuity book programs.

- the Cardinals won the World Series

- Democrats took back the congress

- I decided to finish my MA

- I decided to go back to comm college and get my AFA in Music (violin)

- I am in a new fiddle class at Old Town School - it is nice to be back in Lincoln Square. It is an improv class and it is fantastic.

- I found an itty bitty house I want to buy (but can't afford)

- I got a message from an old friend saying, "I haven't read your blog in awhile" and I thought...."wow, I haven't blogged in awhile."

- oh yes! I had knee surgery about 2 weeks ago! I am recouping nicely. I still have an ACL tear, but I am doing PT to try and compensate for it and live the rest of my life without one. They took out a lot of damaged cartilage and I am feeling pretty good!

liza jane and john wilkes booth making an appearance......

2006-08-06T15:49:00.000-05:00

This Wednesday I will be emerging from my Hobbit hole as my fiddle class will be performing as part of an evening of Old Town School classes doing some rockin old timey music at the Hungry Brain @ Belmont & Western Ave.

It starts at 8pm....my group is only doing two songs and two of my favorites - Liza Jane and Booth Shot Lincoln.....but with all the other groups, it should be a nice evening of amateur music.

Hope to see some friendly faces there! :)

Hungry Brain
2319 W Belmont Ave
Chicago, IL 60618

2006-07-13T00:57:00.000-05:00

Well.....I just felt like posting another picture of Mark Buehrle, is there a problem? I am getting a little edgy with the All Star break going right now.

In other news...... I got a call back to Intervarsity Press AND with the news that they will be creating a full time position. If the pay is enough to keep our heads above water, I will take it in a heartbeat. I am quite ready to part company with my current job. My job itself isn't bad - but there are a few things that are really eating away at me at work and I am not sure much can be done to tackle the problem. IVP is closer and the job would have health insurance which I so desperately need. It's odd, but I have been mentally preparing myself for closure at my current job, but I don't even have this other one yet. I hope I am not setting myself up for a big letdown. I have this next interview on Tuesday the 18th.

We made the move! We are now Glen Ellyn residents, though for all intensive purposes we pretty much live in Lombard. I take the Metra into work every day and love having that time to read on the train. It is not a bad commute and is about the same time as taking the CTA to work from Rogers Park. I have been planting flowers, which has been a joy.

This is a picture from before they were all done. I have since planted seeds that are now sprouting! It is such a treat to walk outside every morning and see how much further they have grown overnight. Even the flowers which I re-potted are really growing fast!

I have been reading like mad and picked up a pile of books from the Borders sale table as well as a few used ones from amazon....

Into the Wild - Jon Krakauer (finished)
Under the Banner of Heaven - Krakauer (almost finished)
Bird by Bird - Anne Lamott
Assasination Vacation - Sarah Vowell
Long Way Down - Nick Hornby
To Own a Dragon - Donald Miller (half way finished)
Jesus in the Margins : Finding God in the Places We Ignore - Rick McKinley
Enormous Changes at the Last Minute - Grace Paley
The Irresistable Revolution: Living as an Ordinay Radical - Shane Claiborne

Emily has made new friends and enjoys being able to come and go as she likes from the apartment. We have a pool here and we have many creature comforts we didn't have in the city. Emily leaves for 2 weeks of overnight camp next Monday. I know she is going to have a blast, but I am going to miss her something wicked. I haven't been away from her for this long since I was in England many years ago. If anyone would like to send her a card or note, please let me know and I will forward you the camp address. I know she will love to get mail. I plan on mailing something at least every other day, if not every day! Graham and I are planning on a long weekend in St. Louis while she is at camp. I can't wait to dote on Callie's kids and mak a trip to Ted Drewes for frozen custard and to Imo's for some St. Louis style pizza. Graham and I haven't travelled alone together that far since our honeymoon, and it will be so nice. We travel so well together and he is just such a delight to be with.

Graham is still looking for work, but has been exercising like mad and that has put him in high spirits. It is nice to see him smile so much and he has been more affectionate than usual, which is hard to do seeing as he is such a sweetheart.

Well.....this kid has got to get some sleep. Come back again now, y'hear?

....and for your pleasure......

2006-06-07T20:03:00.000-05:00

a photo of Mark Buerhle kickin is flava flav styleee.....

We went to see the Sox play the Rangers on Sunday - and I finally got to see this man pitch in person! It seems Contreras pitches everytime we go. Sadly, Buehrle got burned as did we sitting out, baking in the June sun. Graham and I both got sunburned pretty badly, and add that to the fact we both have had really bad colds - it made us two very sad cases. This afternoon out was to mark our 2 year dating anniversary. Our first date was to Busch Stadium. My first trip to see the Sox was on our 1 year date. So, the tradition continues.....though this time around, we saw a loss. Eh, you can't win em all - but I definitely won one with the husband I ended up with!

it's official......

2006-06-07T19:42:00.000-05:00

I have been rejected by the Baseball Hall of Fame Museum. I was also told by a reliable source that the job had basically already been filled before they even listed it on their website. What a sham.....ahhhh well. Well, it was a fleeting dream that sounded like a lot of fun!

In other news, it looks like I will get an interview with Intervarsity Press, a Christian publishing house. Ruth worked for them as an editor for many years and it seems like a nice place to work. It is only part time work, but I hope it will fit with my new work schedule. I will be moving down to working longer days 3 days a week, instead of the 2/3 days I work now 4 days a week. I am looking forward to this. The commute is the only thing about my job that I don't like.

I had applied for a really good full time position at work, which I think I was pretty sure to nail.....but I withdrew my name from consideration after some things happened which I don't need to mention further.

The White Sox beat the Tigers last night after an Alex Cintron 3 run homer.....finally, some clutch hitting - something the Sox have been lacking as of late. And as I write this, I just witnessed Scott Podsednik hit a triple!

We move to the burbs in almost 2 weeks. I am having very mixed feelings about this. I am looking forward to living on the ground floor, having some gardening space, a parking space, cool air, etc but I will miss having the El 1 block from our house and I will really miss my Saturday morning ritual going to fiddle class at the Old Town School down in Lincoln Park.

I have signed up for two fiddle classes for next session - I am retaking fiddle 2 and moving on to fiddle 3. They are back to back, so it will be a fiddle filled Saturday afternoon. I figure, if I am going to drive all that way I might as well make it worth my while. I am really loving my class. Oh, and I was informed last week that in lieu of our last class we will be having a public performance in some bar - let's just hope everyone has had a lot to drink before we play! ouch!

This last weekend on exiting the OTS, I stopped into their shop to play with the mandolins. I couldn't resist and was a proud mandolin owner by the end of the day. I sold off all of my Sopranos and Six Feet Under DVDs on Amazon.com to pay for it. It was worth it. I really enjoy it, but am much more of a fiddle fan. I just have never been good with guitars and similar stringed instruments.

I plowed through the latest Anne Lamott book which was a pleasure to read. It is nice to read essays by progressive, lefty Christians who face similar issues that I do. It makes you feel a little less alone within the human race! I am now FINALLY finishing up her book Blue Shoe which I started reading while out of commission with the knee problems. I can't believe I keep putting it on hold. It is such a delicious book. I should be finished with it by the week's end and then back to C.S. Lewis - Screwtape Letters which I am reading after a reccommendation from Emily's dad. I have been poking through the latest Al Franken book as well, which I got as a gift from Ruth for Mother's Day.

I have been working on my knitting project and it is coming along nicely - though I am far from finished. I want to finish this one up for Mercedes so I can make one for my grandmother who has been recently diagnosed with cancer. She is doing well right now and her prospects are good. She is 94 years old, so the prospects are as good as they can be for someone her age. We will be seeing her soon as we venture to Kansas in a couple weeks for a wedding.

Tommy is doing well, though had to go back to the doctor as he had not been able to defeat his bladder infection. He is on the mend now, though has accidents here and there.

Well, I believe that is all the news that is fit to print.....

some like it hot......

2006-05-29T14:05:00.000-05:00

but not I.....wow, the heat has hit Chicago with a vengeance. There were beautiful cool breezes wafting through out apartment just a couple days ago. Now, I am camped in front of the leaky, sad excuse for an air conditioner in the living room. The rest of the apartment feels like an oven. whew! It is supposed to cool off by mid week.

I have had a lovely weekend and while I have enjoyed the quiet time, tending to the animals and relaxing I am very excited about the return of my family this evening.

Last night Edie and I hit the Green Mill for the cabaret jazz stylings of The Weird Sisters and the Strange Bros. Edie's husband Scott plays drums in the band. The poetry slam was a riot and I am not sure when the last time I laughed so hard was.... After the show, we had a Mexican meal next door with the band and the guy who runs the slam. An enjoyable time was had by all. The Green Mill may be the coolest bar in Chicago, if not in the US.....what great digs! I know where I will be returning sometime soon.....

I continue to work on my current knitting project while listening to an audiobook of The Lovely Bones. I have started working on a project knitting prayer shawls. It is something I read about in a Mennonite USA women's newsletter. The one I am currently working on is for my dear friend Mercedes, who I work with. She slipped and fell at work and has been having intense back problems. Here is a site talking about this ministry/work. It is not just a Mennonite project, but something that is happening throughout many denominations. I will post a picture of this project when I am finished.

I had a nice time trekking down to Borders on Saturday night on the El. I picked up a new Anne Lamott book as well, which I am enjoying. It was nice to get out of the house. I got a yummy espresso drink and perused the shelves and kicked back with a few books, reading bits here and there. It was very nice and something I need to do more often.

I picked up the violin today after almost a week of not practicing....it is amazing how rusty one gets after only a week!

I managed to do a good job with Tommy's IV drip yesterday, but stored the drip bag in the fridge all day and went back later to find it empty! It leaked all over! I need to run out tonight when Graham gets home with the car to get another. Tommy seems to be doing well, though is still pretty lethargic. But, this is nothing new for my 15 pound beast of a car....Sir Thomas of Tubbington will prevail! He has proven to be quite a fighter.

Sox are killing the Cleveland Indians right now, which is enjoyable to watch. 10-0!

Well, back to books, yarn and violin.....I want to get my last bit of quiet, meditative, time in before the troops return. I also need to take the dog out....but man, it is SO HOT!

2006-05-27T16:12:00.000-05:00

it's been some time now.......

2006-05-27T15:48:00.000-05:00

As I was speaking to my mother in law last night she mentioned that my blog had not been updated for some time. She is indeed correct....it's been a good long while. I thought I would check in, so those 2 or 3 people who actually read my blog have something new to look at! haha I am sitting at home, alone, over Memorial Day weekend. Graham is in Kansas visiting family and Emily is in St. Louis with her dad. I am at home nursing my cat, Tommy, who suffered from a bladder blockage and almost killed him Wed. night. He came home from the hospital today! Guess who gets to give the cat an IV drip? Meeee!!! He is hanging in there, snoozing within a few feet of me since we got home. So, we have had a very lazy day and I have been camped on the sofa watching a cheezy Tom Hanks/Meg Ryan movie and now watching the Sox. I wish the Sox had been in town this weekend, as I would have gone down everynight in the cheap seats on my own and make friends! Cubs are here? No thanks......

Where to even start - the last couple of months have been pretty strange. After much hand wringing and difficulties deciding what to do about jobs, moving, school, etc we have decided to stay in the Chicagoland area, but will be leaving scenic East Rogers Park for Glen Ellyn in the burbs. This is very bittersweet. There is so much I will miss about being in the city, but Glen Ellyn has some perks for us as well at this time. I am sure we will move back into the city in a few years, maybe after Em has moved on to college - woah, I can't even fathom that! Still a good 6 years off.....

- I was gunning for a job in Cooperstown, NY at the Baseball Hall of Fame working in their photo archives. I even had some inside MLB pull from a man I know who works for the Mets and has Cooperstown connections. But, all of our efforts have not produced any result. I travelled to C'town to deliver my resume, and of course enjoyed baseball heaven. Cooperstown may very well be the most beautiful small town on earth. We haven't signed a lease yet, and will do in about a month, so if something happens with C'town between now and then we will run.....

- As of now, I will continue working at the Settlement and am enrolled at Loyola University Chicago in their Pastoral Cousneling program. I hope with this MA I can continue with the rape crisis work which was so important to me in STL- but be able to do it professionally and put food on the table.

- Last week Cubs' Michael Barrett cold cocked AJ Pierzynski in the face and a brawl ensued....and me, the woman who sees 98% of all Sox games, missed it! I was at my fiddle class down at Old Town School. Oh yeah, I am in a new fiddle class. I am in Fiddle II and enjoying it. It is a group class. I am continuing practicing with classical stuff, but really enjoy playing the old timey/bluegrass stuff. I did end up buying my own violin with some money that was given to me for a gift from some friends, after I hurt myself. The violin has provided a lot of spirit and enjoyment for me and the family.

- As far as the Sox, I was hoping for a sweep of the all powerful *pssshhhyeah* Flubs, to avenge the sweep against the Cardinals in April......but it was not to be. Oh yeah, I did make my first trip to Wrigley for the 3rd game in that Cards/Cubs series. What a nightmare! What a bunch of drunk, ignorant people! Racial slurs, expletives shouted at 10 year olds.....friendly confines? I don't think so......I am all for some good healthy ribbing, but what I was subjected to there went so far beyond that I can't even explain. I will never return to that cesspool, not that one less Sox/Cards fan will be missed. haha

- With the family out of town, I really don't know what to do with myself. Graham and I are pretty much attached at the hip, so it feels so odd to have the house so quiet. I am trying to savor the quiet, and plan on heading out to the bookstore a little later, grab a coffee and read. Last night the animals and I watched a terrible Sox game against Toronto and I treated myself to a JB's pizza.....I was up really late and up really early, for breakfast with Edie at the Heartland. Tomorrow night we are headed to the Green Mill for a night out, which will be nice.

I sure do miss Graham and Em....Monday night cannot come soon enough! Our dog, Kerry, misses Graham something terrible.....he keeps walking around the house looking for him, whining.

It's supposed to get hot here tomorrow....yuck!

make a donation!!

2006-03-15T18:24:00.000-06:00

I will be joining with hundreds of people to walk 20 miles through the night in the Out of the Darkness Overnight to benefit the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention.

I will be walking in memory of Shem B. Hartzler, a friend of mine who committed suicide in May 2004. His death has had a deep effect and impact on my life ever since.

As some of you know I have a debilitating knee injury right now, and my goal is to train and do therapy, with this walk as the ultimate goal. I WILL be walking for Shem and for countless others.

My personal fundraising goal is $1,000.00. I would appreciate any support that you give me for this worthwhile cause.

The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention is at the forefront of research, education and prevention initiatives designed to reduce loss of life from suicide. With more than 30,000 lives lost each year in the U.S. and over one million worldwide, the importance of AFSP's mission has never been greater, nor our work more urgent.

I hope you will consider supporting my participation in this event. Any contribution will help the work of AFSP. Checks should be made payable to AFSP and are 100% tax deductible.

Thank you for considering this request for your support. If you have any questions about the Out of the Darkness Overnight or AFSP do not hesitate to contact me.

Please visit my Overnight fundraising page if you would like to donate online or see how close I am to reaching my personal goal:

Personal Fundraising Page

a born irish fiddler......

2006-03-12T22:14:00.000-06:00

....that is what my violin teacher told me today! haha! I played her a song out of the beginner book that I had been practicing. Well, I had been reading the tempo and notation ALL wrong.....so I was playing it in the style of an Irish jig. She played it the way it was written, and woah was I off. She specializes in Irish fiddle, so was laughing about it, "you are a born Irish fiddler, we are going to have some fun!" I enjoyed the lesson and the teacher was very nice and has a kind spirit about her. Sad thing, my bow is totally warped! I went to exchange it at the instrument rental, but they weree swamped and I didn't want to keep the woman tied up. So, I am going to head over there again later in the week to exchange it. If I decide to keep with lessons, I will likely end up just buying a violin. A decent intermediate violin runs between $300-500. It's not peanuts, but also not thousands, which I thought they might be! I love looking online at the $20,000 violins......wow.

Not much else to report.....the weather here yesterday was amazing. It is cold and rainy now and the cold temps will likely stay through the week.

she plays the violin.....

2006-03-11T12:21:00.000-06:00

...she tucks it right under her chin. And she bows, oh she bows, for she knows, yes she knows.......

Alright, enough broadway musical nonsense.....oh how I loved 1776 growing up. haha! Yes, I have taken up the violin once again! I am quite excited about this. I played as a young kid, and even toured in Ireland with my Suzuki group and played in a few cities and participated in classes in a couple Irish music schools. But by the time I was 9 years old, I decided I would rather spend my time climbing trees and playing baseball than practicing violin. My mom let me quit. As an adult, I have always regretted that.

Over the last few weeks, a dark cloud has really been hovering over our house. My injury, Emily's emotional difficulties and Graham being burned out on school, depressed and worried about the future have all added up to some difficult days. However, I refuse to give in and wanted to bring some light into the house. When I was a child, I grew up with music in my house all the time. It gave the atmosphere warmth, comfort and spirit. We need to bring that same spirit here. Emily will be starting singing lessons in April and I start violin lessons tomorrow! I have been practicing since I picked up my rental violin and even after a day sound improved. It feels nice to play again and I hope to be playing some real things besides scales and basic stuff soon!

I feel so blessed that I have this opportunity and am so very excited! For so long have I talked about doing classes like this, and it feels good to finally do it!

life out of the ottoman

2006-03-11T12:07:00.000-06:00

I realize I haven't written in over a week! Well, as slow as I have been, I have been pretty busy!

- We went to STL last weekend for Emily's birthday. Regardless of an emotionally trying episode with Em's dad (which has been negatively affecting her since) we had a really wonderful party! Em had a few friends over for a sleepover and I had a few friends over as well. We all enjoyed sitting around eating pizza, cake, and talking. It was so nice to see everyone. I was also able to get over to Callie's to see her newest addition, Abby. Her daughter Esther is getting so big too, and is just beyond adorable! The trip went well, and the drive both ways was nice. Graham and Emily's company was enjoyable and I am just so happy being with them.

- I went to the doctor on Monday - and am lined up for an MRI in a few weeks. We won't know for sure what the prognosis is until then, but if the doctor's guess is correct it looks like I will have to have corrective surgery. Of course I will be healed up and in little pain by the time that rolls around, and am dreading having to go through all of this again. I may put it off until we find a good time to be able to do this. So, we'll see.

- I finally got my application into the Loyola grad program and am waiting with great anticipation to hear from them. I don't know what their admission turn around time is like, but I hope to hear from them by the end of March.

- Back to work.....it has been a crazy week with a lot of networking meetings for our annual Youth Visions show. I had been stressing a lot about it, as drop off for the work is only a few weeks away. But, it seems to be coming together and I am feeling a lot less burdened now than I was a week ago.

- The weather today is absolutely BEAUTIFUL! We have all of the windows open and the fresh air and cool breeze feel fantastic. I love the time of year when you get that first fresh air in the house after a winter of being boxed up. I hope we can take a walk down to the beach later. I am pretty slow, but mobile. I had a meeting a few bloks from work yesterday and walked it because the weather was so nice......I can get around, though do get frustrated at not being a little quicker.

So, that is about the gist of it all.......exciting I know.....more to come.....

life in the ottoman day 6

2006-02-28T23:49:00.000-06:00

and here I am again.....

not much to report today. I was able to get some phone calls made for work and have some meetings set up for next week. My boss called me today to ask me some questions about the accident. I had not spoken with him since all of this happened. My mom was pushing me to do some workmen's comp stuff, and I was nervous about it. However, my boss wants to file the papers, and called to ask me about it. I was so glad I never had to be the one to bring it up. I don't want to be difficult or seem unappreciative of my employer. It's not their fault I make a slight twist and blew out my knee! Plus I was injured while volunteering as a coach. It is not a part of my job. My time coaching had nothing to do with my job, nor was it going to be a part of my weekly work hours. But, it would be nice to have some reimbursements for the braces, medical bills (if we get any from cook county), etc. As far as I know I am stil being paid for time off, which may be the main reason they want the paperwork done. If they do nothing else but keep my paychecks coming, I will be a happy camper with them. I told them I will likely not be back until Tuesday, and they had no problem with it. I may be able to go in for a bit on Thursday if this new brace works out. It should be here tomorrow.

Oh, and good news from Rogers Park. Em and I usually eat out on Tuesdays when Graham has class. Since we can't go anywhere, and I can't really cook or anything, we ordered a pizza. Well, over an hour after we put in our order we got a call saying our delivery guy had been robbed standing in front of our building. The money and the pizza were stolen! I was more concerned about the driver and I didn't want him to come back if he didn't feel safe. The lady on the phone was more concerned about our wait time!! He was so nice, and I have him a big tip when he returned. Em watched him to his car and said he had a friend with him in the car. So, that's good. How scary!

Not too much else to say.....Graham got his scholarship offer raised at SLU, but we are still waiting to hear from the Chicago law schools. If we do go back to STL we are going to look into buying a house. We have found some nice brick bungalows on the near south side of STL for around $110,000. You could never find that here!! We found one listed that has 2 bedrooms, a basement, a huge back patio and a nice kitchen, washer/dryer hookups, and best of all....air conditioning!! :) Still wishful thinking at this point, but a possibility to go in that direction. And of course, it is just fun to look!

2006-02-27T21:28:00.000-06:00

Holy as the day is spent

holy is the dish and drain
the soap and sink, and the cup and plate
and the warm wool socks, and the cold white tile
showerheads and good dry towels
and frying eggs sound like psalms
with bits of salt measured in my palm
it’s all a part of a sacrament
as holy as a day is spent

holy is the busy street
and cars that boom with passion’s beat
and the check out girl, counting change
and the hands that shook my hands today
and hymns of geese fly overhead
and spread their wings like their parents did
blessed be the dog, that runs in her sleep
to chase some wild and elusive thing

holy is the familiar room
and quiet moments in the afternoon
and folding sheets like folding hands
to pray as only laundry can
i’m letting go of all my fear
like autumn leaves made of earth and air
for the summer came and the summer went
as holy as a day is spent

holy is the place i stand
to give whatever small good i can
and the empty page, and the open book
redemption everywhere i look
unknowingly we slow our pace
in the shade of unexpected grace
and with grateful smiles and sad lament
as holy as a day is spent

and morning light sings “providence”
as holy as a day is spent

life in the ottoman - day 5

2006-02-27T21:08:00.000-06:00

back again.....after quite a bummer of a day. I thought that the brace that arrived today would work perfectly. Well, it wasn't even a close fit. We followed their sizing directions perfectly. *shrug* We have had to order another brace and the shipping costs are bleeding us. I have to keep shipping them overnight which is anywhere between $40-60 a pop depending on the company we have ordered from. We will have wasted hundreds of dollars by the time this is over. I hope the next brace will be here by Wednesday, though I am guessing it will be here on Thursday. Even with the overnight shipping, they don't guarantee when it will leave the warehouse.

Graham and I had a difficult day, as my frustration with the messiness of the house finally came to a head. Everything is alright now, but it has been a very trying time.

My mom thinks I should fill out workmen's compensation forms for the injury. I am not sure if this is something I should even be thinking of. Even though I work for the Settlement and the school, I injured myself while volunteering to coach with the girl's team. This was something I wanted to do to be more involved with school activities, but by no means is anywhere in my job description and has nothing to do with my work. So far, they have said they will pay me this next week in full, but with the brace not here and no guarantees if it will work. I may not be in to work until next Tuesday, when at that point I will have missed 2 weeks. They have said that I will need to make up hours, to keep my checks coming.

I am still trying to find the light in the middle of this pain and difficult situation. The one thing that I enjoy is taking the time to take care of myself. It takes me a long time to do simple tasks, though I have managed to find joy in even the smallest things. For example, I am excited to get into the tub. It is difficult and can be painful, but once I am in, the warm water is healing and energizing. I find myself singing in the tub, and enjoying washing my hair by pouring water from a cup over my head. I then take about 20 minutes to dry off and slowly tend to my legs and feet, treating them with the Ahava lotions that I love so much.

It will be strange going back to work and having to take so much time to get ready in the mornings and wind down in the evenings. However, this slowing of tasks really makes me appreciate them. I love the smell of my lotions, the feel of clean socks on my feet, and climbing into bed with crispy sheets. It all reminds me of the Carrie Newcomer song "Holy as a Day is Spent" I will have to find the lyrics. I left this CD in St. Louis. I believe it is in my mom's car. I should look for it when we are down there.

Graham has to watch La Dolce Vita for a class....so I think we will be doing that a little later.....

I will report from the ottoman tomorrow......though I need to spend a chunk of my day making phone calls and doing things for gallery work. Til then.....

life in the ottoman - day 4

2006-02-26T13:19:00.000-06:00

It is strange to think I have not been outside since Wednesday! Yesterday, Graham opened a bunch of windows to bring the outside, inside! It was nice to have that fresh air. It took me about 45 minutes this morning to get dressed and clean myself up. I am getting a little more adept at doing routine things like getting dressed and cleaning up. I am still not able to cook for myself or carry much of anything around, but I know when I get the brace, I should be able to do a lot more for myself.

Last night Graham's cousin came by with a really cheesy action movie. It was actually pretty fun to watch. It was very tongue in cheek and we all laughed through a good majority of it.

We watched a Michelle Malkin speech on Book TV, though the Q&A was much more interesting. She is baffled as to why people label her as a racist when she writes a book about creating stricter immigration laws, while her book is titled, "Invasion: How America Still Welcomes Terrorists Criminals & Other Foreign Menaces to Our Shores". The title in itself is a negative connotation and alludes to a xenophobic idea of immigrants as invaders/enemies. How can she not understand how this comes across as racist? She loves to cry "racism" when it suits her needs. She is in denial about systematic and institutional racism, thinking that since overt Jim Crow racism is gone, that most of the problems have been solved. She is critical of inner city schools, yet, I wonder when the last time she was ever in the inner city. She is very obviously from a middle/upper class environment. It is easy to be a finger pointing conservative, when you have little clue about the reality of people who live in poverty and struggle day to day. It was painful to watch her speak, but like a car crash, it is hard to turn away.

We are supposed to leave for STL on Friday, for Emily's birthday. This will be an interesting trip. We have to come back on Sunday, since my appt, is that following Monday.

Well, I am going to see about some lunch.....well, sort of. haha!

crippled again......

2006-02-25T13:28:00.000-06:00

greetings from day # 3 of sitting in the ottoman chair!

As of 8am Wednesday morning I have been officially crippled. In May 2000 I tore a ligament in my knee at tae kwon do class. It took me about 3 months to recover and even longer to be fully recovered. Well, I re-tore the ligament at Noble Street High girls' softball tryouts. I went to throw a popup and just somehow twisted the wrong way and "POP!" it re-tore. The girls looked at me with such baffled expressions. From the viewpoint of someone else, I am sure it looked very odd. I didn't do anything exceptional and then was crouched over in pain. I then called the girls in and had them get one of the other coaches. I had to walk 2 blocks back to work, which may have been the longest, most painful walk of my lifetime. Well, scaling the stairs at the apartment after the ER visit was pretty bad too. I hobbled back to work, cluthing any fence or solid upright object I could find to hold myself up all while crying my eyes out. What a sight I must have been. I finally got back to the building and Gaylon, our receptionist, helped me inside. She is an angel. I called Graham and he came to get me (along with a goodie bag of books and stuff) to take me to Cook County ER.

Yes, I said Cook County. When you have no health insurance, you have few options. So we trucked on down to Ogden and Damen. It was a nightmare from the get go. Graham helped me through the ER door, and into the line. I was blind with tears as the pain was unreal. No one offered to get me a wheelchair, or give any assistance. So, I had to wait in line, standing up, leaning on the poles that hold up the nylon ropes that form the line. Graham went to park the car. I finally got to the front and when "next!" was called I had so much trouble walking over to that end of the counter. The woman kept screaming, "NEXT! NEXT!" as I was trying to get there, slowly, some guy just walks past me and goes up to her and she does his intake. She looks at me and I am crying, "I can't walk!" She says, "well go back to the line and go to the station closer to you. So, then I have to wait another ten minutes.

I went through their intake process, triage, etc....they gave me some crutches, which was a relief....and then met Graham in the waiting room. We knew we were in for a long haul, but I had no clue how long. We sat in the waiting room for 8 hours. It was really difficult. The chairs were difficult to get comfortable in, because they leaned back a bit and raised my leg off the floor. We had to create a makeshift foot pillow out of our backbacks and my purse. Graham was so kind and helpful. I had to readjust myself every few minutes. One of the most difficult things about the waiting room is that the bathroom doors were very heavy! I had to ask this random woman in the waiting room to hold the door open for me so i could get in and out. I was also told by this woman never to go into the bathrooms alone, because bad things happen in there. *gulp*

I also never had any clue HOW MANY bad judge shows there are on TV....I swear we were subjected to at least 3 hours of BAD Judge Judy type shows......talk about adding insult to injury. Having that noise in the background just made the pain worse. haha! Finally late in the day we at least got a Simpsons episode.

I was called into a room at around 6pm. That was about the 8 hour mark. I was appalled at the lack of treatment or decent care they gave. They basically pointed me to a bed and left me to find it. I got to the bed and then had to boost myself up into it. Then realizing I had nowhere to put the crutches, I had to get back out of the bed and hop over to the wall to prop up the crutches. All the while the nurses are sitting outside at the central desk, watching me do this with tears streaming down my face.

Time passes and a resident Dr. comes in to talk to me. She sends me to x-ray even though I tell her I know there are no broken bones. She sends me anyway. I am then left in the hallway for a long time on a stretcher, along with dozens of other people. Talk about undignified. Oh yeah, keep in mind, they never bothered to give me a blanket or a pillow. So I have my knee propped up with my purse and am just freezing. So I am then in the hallway freezing and crying yet again. After a good amount of time a nice young man comes and takes me to xray and does what he needs to. He was the kindest person I dealt with during my time there. After my interaction with him I was able to calm down and relax a little.

Finally the unit Doc comes in to see me and diagnoses a possible MCL tear. There is no way to tell without an MRI and the knee is too swollen and painful to do any manual tests. This is the way it played out in 2000 as well. They then gave me a referral to the Ortho clinic, a codeine script and I just had to wait for a knee brace/immobilizer.

Well, go figure....there was not ONE knee brace in all of Cook County Hospital! So they wrapped me up in an ace bandage and sent me on my way. When we walked out the door, it had been 12 hours from when we walked in. *whew*

So, we stop by Ruth's to pick up Em. She was so kind to pick up Em from school and take her to a potluck she had already planned on going to. Em reported back about how much fun she had at the potluck. Em helped me up the stairs at the apartment while Graham parked the car. Getting up the stairs was excruciating and difficult. Since I have scaled those stairs I have basically not moved. I move to and from the bedroom 2 times a day and go to the bathroom when necessary, but as little as I can get away with.

Graham and Emily have both been wonderful nurses and have been showing me nothing but care and love. I have quite the hookup in the living room in the ottoman chair, which now seems like it was created for a situation like this! Graham has been letting me use his laptop and I have watched all kinds of movies and I pulled an Anne Lamott book from the shelf which I have never read. I am loving it!

I keep trying to find the silver lining of this situation. I was very depressed for the first 48 hours, feeling very burdensome, but have been in great spirits since last night. I have concerns about missing work, which means missing pay, which means rent issues.....but, I am prayerful it will all work out alright. I am still without a brace. We ordered one that came yesterday but it didn't fit properly. So, we had to order a different one, which won't be here until Monday. I know once I have that I should be a little more mobile. I am hopeful to return to work on Tuesday, but I know I can't do the CTA and I am unsure of my ability to drive. So, we will see how it works out. I am dreading the stairs, but I hope the brace will at least allow me to move up and down them, even though it will be a slow, long process.

One of the biggest kickers is that I had been looking at buying a proper commuter bicycle in March and starting to ride the 8/9 miles each way to and from work. I had tried this before on my road bike, but found the style of bike difficult for this ride. So I would like to get one that is built for the type of riding, and I am looking at a Terry brand bike, which is designed specifially for the female body frame. I have been trying to get in shape and think it would be a great thing to do. It is good for me, good for the environment, good for not using gasoline while there is an illegal, unjust war going on over oil, etc etc .......but, who knows how long it will be until I can do this. I had decided on doing this the NIGHT BEFORE the accident! Coaching softball wasw a part of my overall drive for fitness and health.....and now? ugh.

Again, I am trying to find the blessing in this and I WILL commute by bike when I am able.

Graham downloaded Season Three of Six Feet Under for me to watch and I think I am going to go do that......anyone want to come and play cards with me? I am available!! :) Thanks to everyone for offers of assistance and the prayers and love you have shown me through this difficult event.....xoxoxoxo

2006-02-19T17:11:00.000-06:00

You Are Lisa Simpson

A total child prodigy and super genius, you have the mind for world domination.

But you prefer world peace, Buddhism, and tofu dogs.

You will be remembered for: all your academic accomplishments

Your life philosophy: "I refuse to believe that everybody refuses to believe the truth"

The Simpsons Personality Test

me and cindy sheehan......

2006-02-18T23:00:00.000-06:00

Cindy Sheehan has to be one of the kindest, sweetest souls I have ever met. She is working tirelessly and after 2 days straight of speaking events, fund raisers, political demonstrations, etc here in Chicago I saw her speak and meet and greet afterwards. She was so accommodating and signed books, gave hugs and kisses and was just very genuine. It is 11pm, I am dead tired, haven't eaten since noon and need to cook dinner......

Here is Cindy giving me a kiss after I gave her a card that I got for her, along with a letter Emily wrote to her. God Bless you Cindy....you are a true hero!!

no imo's and ted drewes, well not this weekend anyway......

2006-02-10T12:10:00.000-06:00

we were supposed to go to STL this weekend, but due to stuff Em has to do at school we can't pull her out earlier in the day to try and avoid southside traffic. So, we just aren't going to go.....i can't even bear the thought of being in the car, at a standstill, for hours, with the dog breathing in my ear. If the dog didn't have to go with, it would be miserable but I would cope and just go.....I wish we had money to pay a dog walker, but no can do.....hell, where does one even FIND a dog walker?? craigslist??

upside?.....It's Dominicks Pizza Day!! woohoo!

cindy sheehan arrested???

2006-01-31T20:14:00.000-06:00

in the Capitol building??

Em has hijacked the television.....I want to know what happened!!

2006-01-30T21:30:00.000-06:00

"For some reason, the most vocal Christians among us never mention the Beatitudes. But, often with tears in their eyes, they demand that the Ten Commandments be posted in public buildings. And of course that’s Moses, not Jesus. I haven’t heard one of them demand that the Sermon on the Mount, the Beatitudes, be posted anywhere.'Blessed are the merciful' in a courtroom? 'Blessed are the peacemakers' in the Pentagon? Give me a break!"
--Kurt Vonnegut

sniff cough

2006-01-30T18:31:00.000-06:00

yes.....I am sick.....not quite the flu, worse than a cold......I feel like I have been run over by a truck. I took some ny-quil last night and woke a few times in a sleep medicine enduced haze and attempted to talk to Graham. I don't remember much of what i said, but I do remember thinking, "this makes sense to me, why isn't it making sense to him?" and then feeling VERY irritated and then falling back asleep. haha!

A couple notes.....

- I am going to go ahead and apply to Loyola for their MA in Pastoral Counseling. I am pretty sure I will get into the program, but we will see if I can swing a scholarship. If I can get my tuition covered, I am seriously thinking I will stay on part time at the Settlement and go to school full time. It is a 2 year program, and I will be finished a year before Graham is finished with law school. If I am in school, I can further defer the student loans as well, which would be helpful. There are a few other issues on the table.....but I figured I would go ahead and apply and move that process forward. I will see where the dice roll.....I love working at the Settlement, but my heart is really working with people in more of a one on one situation. Counseling is really where my heart is......

- Mom was here all weekend which was great. Sadly, I felt pretty sick most of Sunday and was laid up on the sofa.....we had a nice time together though and I loved having her here.

well, I am going to go lay down or something.....I have laundry to tend to...... need to get that done and them I am doing the ny-quil again and passing out until tomorrow morning. ;)

work updates

2006-01-21T12:05:00.000-06:00

- no word from Erie Neighborhood House.....I am not holding my breath. I thought I had a good shot, but oh well....

- my proposal to teach a class (Current World Issues and the Political Landscape) as part of the 21st CCLC program that I run has been approved by my boss. And because I am not full time, they will be paying me a stipend to teach the class. woo! It will cover 6 months of car insurance with a little left over to pay off a little credit card debt.

- word on the street is that the new grant applications have come in and the development office will be working on them over the next month. I am not sure how the new grant will work with the new schools being opened. But there is a good chance that I will be able to move into a full time position, which I guess would be available by June/July. Fingers crossed.....I would like to stay at Noble Street / Settlement, so I can be in the same location as the art gallery. I love being there, and the people who work there already feel like family to me. There is an atmopshere there that I feel would be lacking in a location that is JUST a high school.

- I had my second visit with the Head Start preschoolers on Wednesday. I take an hour out of my day to go over there and read to them. However, they haven't felt much like reading. This last week, I had the pleasure of joining preschooler Elayna in making pizza out of purple playdoh and flour......reading? playdoh? it's all good......

- I will be an asst. coach with the girl's softball team this spring.....12 games and practice two times a week. I will only be going to the Monday practices though because they start at 7am! damn! I am volunteering my time to do this, gladly, but I already will be putting in long days on Wednesday, so will refrain from having to leave my house at 6am on those days.

- last night was my second gallery reception and it went quite well. Preparing for them can be a bit stressful, but once it arrived, I had a really nice time. The artists all seemed pleased with how we hung the work and with our space. It went off really well and I am very pleased. I am pooped today......and going to just chill.......

a million little lies?

2006-01-21T11:35:00.000-06:00

well, I don't know about that.....but, I finally decided to jump on the bandwagon and pick up James Frey's "memoir" A Million Little Pieces. I have to admit that it is a damn good book. People on VC have been recommending this book for a long time, and I am bummed I didn't pick up on it sooner. But after all of the controversy surrounding the book, I had to know, "what is at the base of all this controversy?"

I started reading it Wednesday at bedtime and then by Thursday bedtime, I had cranked through about 1/3 of the book.

It is a very gripping read, though at times hits very close to home and can be difficult to read. As many of you know my ex-husband has struggled with addiction since he was a young teen and his sense of self-worth and his self-destructiveness only got worse as time went on. He has been clean on and off through his twenties, and into his thrities. I have so many heartbreaking stories about him and how he has worked hard to destroy himself.

The thing about this book is that when the author is speaking about himself and how he relates to others and feels about his own self worth, it so closely echoes things I have heard time and time again come out of my ex-husband. It is very painful to read and revisit in my memory. I was tempted at first to recommend the book to him, but I don't know it it would be more painful than anything for him. So, until I finish it, I am not going to mention it to him. My ex-husband is a good man, who just has made a lot of very bad choices. I feel for him and I pray for his healing and strength. Even after the hell he put me through, I never wished anything for him but those things. He has made strides over the last couple years, but he regresses at times and has to pick himself back up again. It can be so painful to watch, not being able to do anything about it.

Anyhow, I am going to finish the book and then read through the Smoking Gun accusations thoroughly. I admit that as I am reading it, I start questioning events and want to know if it is true or not......but most of the time I fall back into the book. If this book really is more fiction than fact, shame on Frey for not selling it that way. It is a damn good book, regardless.....but disappointing to know that it was sold as something it might not be. But hey, controversy and publicity can't be all bad for an author. I went and bought it after the fact....in hardcover even! Though admittedly so I wouldn't have to have the damn Oprah label on the cover.......

now, if this works......

2006-01-15T18:30:00.000-06:00

I decided to get back on the job boards and seek out either a perfect full time job or another part time job to supplement the one I have. We are in such financial straits that I see no other option. However, I did find something that would work out really well if their needs match mine.

I sent my CV into the Erie Neighborhood House which is basically another settlement type house only BLOCKS from the one I work at. They are in need of a part time receptionist. Now, if I were able to make the two jobs fit together, that would be fabulous. I think I will seriously be considered for this job as the Erie House and the Settlement have a lot of connections. My boss knows everyone over at Erie. So, we'll see what happens.......okay, so still no health care or vacation, but maybe we wouldn't be falling into further debt EVERY month. That's a start.

Please keep your fingers crossed......

priceless

2006-01-07T00:41:00.000-06:00

one of my White Sox pals found this tee shirt....commemorating the strike three call on AJ Pierzynski in the ALCS Game 2. I must have this.....

just a couple more months

2006-01-06T20:50:00.000-06:00

until spring training

*sigh*

oh, how I love thee.

has it really been a month??

2006-01-06T20:34:00.000-06:00

I think it has......Christmas and the New Year have come and gone, and I am still here but goodness if I am not a really bad blogger.

As far as the CPT peacemakers, there is still no word on their status, which is rather disconcerting. Honestly, I don't think it is a good sign. I have had this pit in my stomach for sometime that they will be found in a ditch somewhere on the Syrian border or something, who knows when. They continue to be in my thoughts and prayers. The news may have forgoten about them, but I surely haven't and neither have many others I am sure.

Well, what have we been up to? Honestly, we haven't been up to too much. Christmas was peaceful and we enjoyed celebrations at church and with Graham's family. I had the entire week off of work, and spent most of it sleeping and reading. It was very nice. Going back to work was difficult, but I am glad to be back now that we are in the swing of things in our office. My officemate returned from maternity leave this week and it is nice not to be rotting in the dungeon on my own anymore. The nice thing is that we will be keeping somewhat opposite hours, her in the morning and me in the afternoon. We have some overlap, which is nice, but I like having the office to myself as well. I like the having the overhead lights off and NPR on, she is the opposite.

Graham has been busy with law school applications and is applying to schools in Chicago, St. Louis, Michigan and Champaign/Urbana. I got a heads up from my friend Jason this week who is considering buying a photo studio. If this happens and we head back to Saint Louis for Graham to go to school (if that's where he chooses), I may go into business with Jason, we will add a design wing to the business by adding our friend Dave into the mix. We have some great ideas and I can't even imagine how great it would be to have a business with two of my best friends!!! There are a lot more details, but I am too tired to think about it right now.

As I said before, I did some reading over the holiday......I read......

and

Both very different.....Kite Runner was very straightforward, but I thought beautifully written. I have read some critical reviews calling it to simplistic and predictable, but I didn't find it that way at all. After reading historical monographs and theoretical tomes over the last 3 years, I like to read straightforward fiction. Call me shallow, but sometimes I just like to relax and take in the story. Maybe the writing style is simplistic, but that is what appealed to me. Not everything has to be James Joyce, people! Joan Didion on the other hand, puts out a much more complicated book, exploring the year after her husband's death. When reading the critical reviews, I found it rather humorous that their criticisms were actually highlighting what I believe to be styles she used on purpose to illustrate her points further. I finished this book over a week ago and am still processing it. I finished the Kite Runner last night, and while it is not as difficult to process on an analytical level, I keep coming back to it and can't get my mind off of it.

Next up? The History of Love by Nicole Krauss, reccommended by a reviewer on NPR, who also reccommended the Didion book. It is on its way in the mail. I also ordered a book about a women's underground movement against the Taliban in Afghanistan. After reading the Kite Runner, it has made me want to read more about Afghanistan and especially the Taliban. YEARS ago I was involved in a women's campus organization in undergrad. We did projects to highlight the abuses and oppression of women in Afghanistan, no one really wanted to listen. When Bush started bombing Afghanistan, it becamse a cause celebre for Laura Bush. I kept thinking to myself, "where were you 5 years ago Laura??" Anyhow, I digress. These books won't be here til next week.....so til then I will likely try and wrap up a few unfinished books.

Oh here's news.....one of my oldest friends, Callie, whom I have known for going on 20 years just had her 2nd baby on December 29th! What fabulous news! I was just thinking about her this afternoon and was going to call her to inquire on her heath and a due date. Well, I came home to a baby announcement in the mail! Abigail Minna Applestein!! YAY!!! Here is a picture of my friend Callie with the dear little jellybean.

Oh, and I need to add that last spring I went to the OB/GYN with Callie when she was threatening miscarriage. They thought the baby had stopped growing and was about to miscarry. When I went with her that day, she was expecting the worst of news. However, I remember the Dr. saying, "see that little jellybean there? It has a little growth, but we won't know until next week for sure what is happening." Well.....that gave us hope and now that hope is named Abigail (Abby). And the nickname Jellybean has stuck.....

Did anyone know that my nickname when I was a wee one was Jellybean?? I had blue jeans with a jellybean patch on them and my uncle called me Jellybean for YEARS.......

----

Next weekend is when a number of crazed Wilco fanatics descend upon our friend Edie's house for a private Jeff Tweedy show.....while we are not involved in this (as if we have that kind of money (yeah, we'd go into infinite debt for World Series tickets.....but that's about IT) we are hosting a party on the night before. I just found out that Emily's dad will be in town that weekend to visit her, so she will be with him and I won't have to worry about people being too rowdy or loud at the party. Well, that is unless they are bothering the neighbors.

Well, I think I am going to wrap up what might be the longest blog update I have ever written. I am going to try and be better about updating and keeping the political and social justice updates flowing.......oh, speaking of.....I do have a few new hats at work. One: once a week, starting next week, I will be going over to the other building at work and reading one on one with the Head Start preschoolers. I can not wait!!! And two: I am planning on teaching a current events/debate class for the after school program. I am very excited at this prospect. This will not star until February though. Three: I am trying to get my foot in the door with the baseball coach at the high school and am going to see if I can assist with the Noble Street baseball team in the spring. Now, THAT would be a lot of fun!!!!

light four candles

2005-12-02T18:24:00.000-06:00

Tonight I got four small candles to light for the hostages.....please join me in keeping them in thoughts and prayers. Their plight is forefront on my mind and it is hard for me to focus on much else. I just keep praying and my heart is aching. I want so much for them to return to their loved ones safely. I was looking at the CPT calendar, and the delegation these men are on was supposed to return home tomorrow.

as if anyone can do it as well as martha.....

2005-12-02T18:21:00.000-06:00

http://www.highhopes.com/snowflakes.html

Kidnappers Threaten to Kill Iraq Hostages

2005-12-02T16:17:00.000-06:00

By BASSEM MROUE, Associated Press Writer 42 minutes ago

BAGHDAD, Iraq - The kidnappers of four Christian peace activists threatened to kill the hostages unless all prisoners in U.S. and Iraqi detention centers are released, according to a videotape broadcast Friday by Al-Jazeera television.

The tape showed what the broadcaster said were two Canadian hostages. An American and a Briton are also being held. The kidnappers gave the two governments until Dec. 8 to meet their demands, Al-Jazeera quoted a statement delivered with the tape as saying.

The Canadians were shown eating from plates of what appeared to be Arabic sweets. In a second clip, the British and American hostages were shown to talking to the camera but no audio was transmitted. All four men appeared frightened.

The hostages called on the U.S. and British governments to withdraw from Iraq, Al-Jazeera reported, quoting a statement from the kidnappers, who earlier identified themselves as the Swords of Righteousness Brigade, a previously unknown group.

The corner of the video showed two crossed black swords and the name of the insurgent group written in red Arabic script — the same emblem shown in an earlier video of the hostages.

The group has claimed that the kidnapped men, from the Chicago-based Christian Peacemaker Teams, were spies working under the cover of peace activists. The group denied spying.

Greg Rollins, a Canadian member of Christian Peacemaker Teams, said news of the death threat was disturbing.

"It's a bit of a shock," said Rollins, who had not yet seen the new video. He said he hoped the kidnappers would respond to messages of support from Muslims and other Arabs for the group, which opposes the war in Iraq.

"Hopefully they will continue to read those things and get a positive idea of what we do here and who my teammates are."

The activists were seized Saturday near Baghdad University. A car blocked their car, gunmen got out, threw the driver and translator out and drove away with the four captives, security officials said Thursday. The officials spoke on condition of anonymity because they are not authorized to talk to the media.

The men were kidnapped at the same place where Giuliana Sgrena, a reporter for the Italian newspaper Il Manifesto, was seized Feb. 4 and held for a month by a group calling itself Mujahedeen Without Borders. That group had not been known before and has not been heard from since, but may be using a different name.

The Christian activists — Tom Fox, 54, of Clear Brook, Va.; Norman Kember, 74, of London; James Loney, 41, of Toronto; and Harmeet Singh Sooden, 32, of Canada — had been repeatedly warned by Iraqi and Western security officials that they were taking a grave risk by moving about Baghdad without bodyguards.

A German archaeologist, Susanne Osthoff, 43, also disappeared recently. On a video made public Nov. 29, kidnappers threatened to kill her unless Germany stops dealing with the Iraqi government. Osthoff, who speaks Arabic, had helped distribute aid in Iraq.

The new abductions of Westerners come after a monthslong hiatus. The gruesome killings of past hostages have brought criticism from many Arabs, including an influential Egyptian cleric who issued a fatwa saying that since Iraq remains in a state of war, the kidnapping of those involved in the war is allowed but hostages should not be killed.

Some security experts believe the surge of kidnappings may be a result of lax security, attempts by insurgents to mix up tactics in an intense period of car bombings and suicide attacks — or a desire to disrupt this month's elections.

Insurgents, including al-Qaida in Iraq, have seized more than 225 people in Iraq, killing at least 38.

2005-12-01T22:29:00.000-06:00

i don't even know where to start......as I sit here, such horrors are taking place the world over. The 1000th person is about to be executed in the US since the re-instatement of the death penalty. Earlier this evening I went to a candlelight vigil for the 4 kidnapped peace workers in Iraq. I looked through some photoalbums online from people who have been on peace delegations to Iraq. The horrifying conditions in which people live there are beyond description. The violence visited upon that nation for so long is hard to wrap your head around.

I then think about how blessed I am. I have a place to live and food on the table. We have such luxuries: computers, telephone, etc. My family is alive and in good health. This is something I should be celebrating every day but get caught up in the mundane bullshit which we are all chin deep in.

It's always odd how when I delve into a topic it all of a sudden becomes something discussed in the news at the same time. Is it just because I am noticing it more because I am reading about it, or is it fate? I have been reading Sister Helen Prejean's most recent book about the death penalty, "Death of Innocents" and then within a week 4 major cases relating to the death penalty come up. Stanley Tookie Williams is still scheduled for execution. A man in VA was given clemency though tonight a man in NC is going to be put to death by lethal injection. And in FL the man who raped and murdered 11 year old Carlie Brucia was handed a reccommendation of death by the jury in the case. I don't get it......in a country which keeps claiming to have moral framework of a "culture of life" this seems to be only empty rhetoric. Of course we abhor the brutal rape and murder of a young girl. I can't EVEN IMAGINE the pain and anguish that her family has suffered. My daughter is the same age and it makes my chest ache and my eyes water to even THINK about that happening to her. In this case it is SO EASY to call for the death of this man. But, it also makes my chest ache to think of HIS mother and the suffering she has already been through and will go through further as they kill her son. She didn't do anything and her suffering will continue. The cycle has to be broken. The death penalty has not proven to be any deterrent and the same people who claim to be moral Christians are calling for this man's death. It is easy to pray for the life of a vegetative innocent woman in a bed in Florida, but it is HARD to stand up for the life of a convicted murderer.

The pro-death penalty side would have you believe that those of us who oppose the death penalty somehow condone the violent and reprehensible actions of the incarcerated. Of course we do not! Their rhetoric even suggests that if the death setence isn't imposed that the convict is somehow free to walk the streets. Of course that is not true. The people in NC are upset by anti-death penalty protesters being there saying that they don't know the case and if they knew the case they would favor this man's execution. That's not the point. Regardless of the case, there is a firm belief that murdering is WRONG no matter WHO does it......whether it be a deranged lunatic or the state. The death of a murderer does not bring back the dead, it only furthers a cycle of violence and death and it does not snuff out the suffering of the living.

On to Iraq......4 human rights advocates/peace workers from Christian Peacemaking Teams have been abducted and are still being held. Tonight I went to a vigil for them. It is hard to imagine their suffering and their fear. It is hard to imagine the suffering and fear of the Iraqi people who have known oppression and violence for multiple generations. I am prayerful that those who are holding these men captive will see that they are not enemies and will see their true purpose in Iraq is to serve the citizens of that nation. I keep thinking about how incredibly frightening this situation is for these men. I never thought they would murder Margaret Hassan, but they did. Sometimes it is hard to even see through the cycle of violence that has engulfed Iraq. It is hard to see a peaceful state come out of such chaos, but I remain hopeful.

I will go to bed tonight with my husband. I will go to bed with my daughter safely tucked in, in the next room. I will go to bed with a full belly and after a cleansing shower. How blessed am I?! And to think there are people bickering over, in the end, meaningless things. People obsessing over shallow, material things and being able to have things that other people can't have. I am guilty of it too......and I am prayerful for deliverance from the oppression of "stuff" and the lines it draws between us, within our nation and around the world.

While I keep vigil for the condemned and the walking dead in our death houses......while I keep vigil and hope for the safe return of the 4 CPT workers......I will also celebrate the abundance that I have. The abundance of spirit and hope. The abundance of a warm home and a loving family.

2005-12-01T20:57:00.000-06:00

A civilization of love that did not demand justice of people would not be a true civilization, it would not delineate genuine human relations. It is a caricature of love to try to cover over with alms what is lacking in justice, to patch up with an appearance of benevolence when social justice is missing.True love begins by demanding what is just in the relations of those who love. --Oscar Romero

you know that feeling.....

2005-11-28T20:29:00.000-06:00

when depression has set in and then a lot of things go wrong all at once making things even more difficult? and you get to the point where your eyes are so sore and swollen it's hard to keep them open, yet you can't sleep??

yup.....that's about where I am right now.

*breathe*

On a more positive note....I got our fakie Xmas tree up today. It is decorated with 5 ornaments. We can't afford any more. C'est la vie. Em and I are planning on making paper snowflakes this weekend to liven it up a bit. The white lights look nice though, even if a little sparce.

I think I am going to watch Field of Dreams with the lights out and enjoy the glow of the tree.......I am prayerful that the way I feel now will subside within the next 24 hours.

got the jones.....

2005-11-20T22:06:00.000-06:00

I have been tearing up the apartment looking for this CD!! I am craving some Chirstmas Waltz and Sinatra style Jingle Bells.....my last hope is that it is buried in my mom's CDs in STL.......the holiday season isn't the same without this particular Sinatra Christmas CD. If it has disappeared, we will get a new one. But, I hope we DO find it!!

When I was a little kid I would listen to this album on our family's floor/cabinet turntable stereo......I would get up at like 5am to see what Santa brought me and my parents refused to budge before 7am so I would listen to this album OVER AND OVER again until 7am......it's the best! This is what it looked like back then....on LP....

I did see Mahalia Jackson's Christmas Songs at Borders when I was in there tonight....tempting, but I am holding off. I bought a book today, so I couldn't splurge any more.

call the guys in the white coats

2005-10-30T17:17:00.000-06:00

I am seriously thinking about going back to school and getting my MA in something so far removed from what I was doing it is borderline INSANE. Of course, this is not set in stone or even close. But, I am getting information and seeing what is possible.....money could be the biggest factor as it would be at Loyola and wow, t'aint cheap there! But I think this could seriously be the right direction.

There is an open house next Saturday. My mom will be in town, and we are planning on hitting the Historical Society. Though maybe we will attend the open house first? It is downtown at Water Tower Campus. Perk to doing this? I could keep the part time job and do morning or evening classes. Water Tower campus is at the same El stop I get off at to go to work. It would be pretty darn convenient.

I also contacted Rape Victims Advocates again and will do their next training. I figure if I am only putting in 20-30 hours a week at work I can easily be on call once a week with them. I miss that work intensely.

Well, dinner is ready.....more later.....

.....and all she could say.....was.....wow

2005-10-28T21:22:00.000-05:00

Yes.....the Chicago White Sox won the World Series! It still seems kind of surreal.....but it is true!! After some pondering, I decided to wander downtown this morning for the parade. Graham couldn't go because of classes, so I went on my lonesome. But, I had a really nice time. It was nice just people watching and talking to the people around me. My favorite memory of the day was on my way down a man got on the El with his 3 or 4 year old daughter. She had a Sox ribbon in her hair and was bouncing all over the place. She was so excited and he just couldn't stop smiling. I couldn't wipe the grin off my own face the rest of the ride.

I think the most wonderful part of my experience was that being there, for the first time since I moved here, made me feel like I was a part of Chicago. As many of you know moving here has been really difficult for me. I went from having my mom, friends, a church I loved and a babysitter (my mom) which equalled a pretty active social life to having no friends outside of my family, one adult and one child to do things with, no church I have felt connected to, no babysitter and I have felt extremely isolated. So, because of our lack of social connections, mobility and finances, all we have done since we moved here is watch baseball.....

The White Sox made the transition a bit easier. We watched them everyday.....when it was 100 degrees and when it was 40 degrees. I remember first going to US Cellular Field earlier in the year and almost being weepy because it just wasn't the same as being at Busch Stadium in St. Louis. But after a few more visits and having the White Sox be the center of our free time quickly made it feel more like home to me.

The other night as we popped the champage after the world series clincher, I told Graham, "well there goes all hope for Em being a Cardinals fan" She is a White Sox fan and will likely be so the rest of her life. Experiences like this as a kid are so gripping and she has been SO excited. We all have been.

Well.....without further ado....some snapshots from this mornings big parade. The radio is saying that there were 1.5 million people out for the parade. What a way to feel at home.

sad cake no more

2005-10-23T20:21:00.000-05:00

well....24 hours after the sad cake incident, it has been devoured! And, now.....I am starting a pretty intense diet and exercise routing. My goal is to lose 50-80 lbs within the next 6-10 months. I will be slim fasting for breakfast and lunch to get my metabolism readjusted. I will be doing portioned meals for dinner. We will continue our Friday night pizza ritual and our Saturday night family dinners. Other than that, I hope I can stick with this. I have been struggling for some time. Graham and I making a commitment to jog/walk every day for at least 30 min and I plan on doing my pilates DVD every night before shower and bed. So, I hope this will get me off to a good start.....

Also, today Em and I did some halloween shopping. I am going to go as batgirl. This is in honor of my "Batgirl" nickname given to me by the rape crisis counselor coordinator when I was in STL doing emergency rape crisis counseling. I really miss that work. I would like to start it back up again here in Chicago, but we need to get our routines in order first. Anyhow, my costume has a batman/batgirl mask, gloves and bat wings....I know I know, batman/batgirl had a cape.....but the wings were too much fun! I am just going to wear a black shirt and skirt with it.....so, it's not perfect. But, the kids at the Settlement will enjoy it. I am looking forward to working with the kids next week at our Halloween celebration, games, etc......

the saddest cake in the world

2005-10-22T20:28:00.000-05:00

well, I wanted to surprise my lovely family today with a celebratory White Sox cake to kick off the World Series tonight......and well, it was one big disaster. As I started to ice it, it just fell to pieces. Note the wannabe flower that looks like a bird pooped in blue on it. The stripes are supposed to be Sox pinstripes. And the lettering? Man, one would never guess that I went to art school! I joked with Graham that it's a good thing we don't have any friends near by, I am not sure if I could have served it to anyone!! ;)

Here are some images of us being sad over the saddest cake in the world.....

Though.....we cut a few pieces and damn! It is actually DELICIOUS!!

2005-10-18T14:18:00.000-05:00

the president's approval rating, according to Kate.....

2005-10-10T17:44:00.000-05:00

....are in sub zero digits! Wow, I just got a phone call from NBC News and took one of their president approval ratings polls and then subsequently answered a load of questions about the state of the nation, Harriet Miers, and a slew of other things. It is so nice to be included! I have been wanting those people to call me for the longest time. She also said that there is a chance that an NBC journalist may follow up with an interview call. The chances are slim, but hey......

It feels like Sunday, though it is indeed Monday. Em had the day off, so did I. Back to work tomorrow and back to the bike. I plan on biking to work on Tuesday and Thursday since on Wednesday Dave will be picking me up on his way into town for the Dead Can Dance show. Friday I am hosting the gallery reception, so I will have to drive because I have to make another venture out to Costco, one of my most dreaded destinations.

The weather is so crisp and cool and makes me one happy camper. I am really looking forward to my bike rides over the next few days. And after a weekend of compulsive eating (froot loops, casserole, pizza, apple crisp, taco bell) I NEED IT.

what? dead can dance? here? this week?

2005-10-09T18:43:00.000-05:00

I remember the first time I heard Dead Can Dance.

I was 17 years old and was going to sleep on a mattress in my friend Kevin Happell's living room in Columbus, OH, after coming in from a weary stint of living on the streets. His roommate Jacob brought this CD home and said, "listen to it while you fall asleep, it is SO neat!" It was the Passage In Time retrospective CD. It was like nothing I have ever heard. So lush, complicated, historical and modern. I have been a fan ever since. I have gone through spurts over the years where it was all I listened to for a period. Usually around this time of year. It is definitely autumnal music. It is the perfect tone to ring in the falling of leaves and cold air - my favorite.

The two main figures seem somewhat reclusive and do not tour very often and when they do it is very limited. They have not released anything in almost 10 years and have not toured in as long. So, when I opened the Tribune today to see that they are playing at the Auditorium Theatre THIS Wednesday I about dropped my teeth! I have never seen them, and have always wanted to. I have their live DVD, which is amazing. They use all these ecclectic, rare instruments and it is a thing of wonder to witness. Now, to see them in the Auditorium, an coustically perfect space?? WOW!

I IMMEDIATELY called my friend Dave who is a 4AD fanatic, knowing he would freak, and tempt him into coming up. We have tickets and he is driving up on Wednesday. I never go to concerts, I just can't afford it. But i cannot tell you how excited I am to see this.

Oh, and nevermind the fact that Dave and I have Depeche Mode tickets for November too.....oooh now they are a Junior High favorite. That is just going to be damn fun!

sweeeeeeeeeeep.....times two

2005-10-09T11:31:00.000-05:00

Well, last night my beloved Cardinals swept the San Diego Padres in game 3, 7-4. I have to admit, while it was awesome to see them advance, it doesn't hold a candle to the drama and excitement of the White Sox run. Sweeping the Padres was expected. Sweeping the Red Sox? A miracle. So as the game wrapped up at around 1:30am and Graham and I slowly trudged to bed with heavy eyelids, I was excited, but moreso, just ready for bed. I think we can handle the Astros or Atlanta and I hope it proves to be a more exciting series.

I am not working tomorrow, but it is also a holiday. Em is off and so is Graham. So, wow a 3 day weekend together!

sweeeeeeep!

2005-10-07T19:36:00.000-05:00

I just had to share some joy from the Stewart household.....the White Sox sweep of the Red Sox was met with much merriment!! HAPPY DAY EVERYONE!!!

After watching 100+ White Sox games this year, this is just magic. Seems like yesterday it was 102 degrees out and we were sweltering in the living room, splayed out on the floor with bags of ice on our heads and guzzling ice water....and here we are in our hoodie sweatshirts and fuzzy slippers, celebrating!! I LOVE October baseball!

And for the record, Mayor Daley's claim of possibly setting off the air raid sirens didn't happen.

Now for a Cardinal sweep of San Diego. Exciting, but not as exciting as kicking out the Red Sox. As a Cardinals/Sox fan, this is such a sweet sweet victory.

What will we do if the Sox meet the Cardinals in the World Series??? It could happen!! ahhhhhh!!!

And I have to add....Manny Ramirez is a *put in any good expletive*. In both his home runs, he stood there like a cocky bastard, loosened his gloves and then started trotting like a show pony......ugh

i take it back

2005-10-06T07:54:00.000-05:00

yesterday the ride to work WAS torture! But I take full responsibility for thr misery of my commute. I did not drink any water before I left, nor eat anything. I stopped a few miles into the trip to buy some water, but at that point I think it was too late. I got to work severely dehydrated, sick and nauseous. I was able to pull myself together so I could change into my work clothes and get to a computer training meeting. I battled off a migraine in the late afternoon......and I guess I am glutton for punishment, I rode home! However, the ride home was lovely. It was cooling off, and there was no blaring sun. It's odd how when I am on my way to work it can take almost an hour and on my way home, 40 min with very little strain.

Oh yeah....Sox won the 2nd game last night 5-4.....Iguchi with a 3 run homer in the 5th after a big time error by Grafanino! It was too exciting.

I am bummed I will miss the Cardinals game today. It starts at 3pm and I won't be leaving work til almost 5. I am going out to O'Hare to meet Jason for dinner as he has a 3 hour layover. It will defintiely be nice to see a friend. I have been very homesick for my friends. As I have said before, Graham is my best friend and I wouldn't trade being here with him for anything. But, I miss having my friends around and in that way I feel very lonely here. I tried to convince Jason to stay in Chicago for a few days, but to no avail. He has to be back in STL for some plans this weekend.

Sox play tomorrow!!! WOO! And I will be home for it too! I have to go to a conference at the Museum of Science and Industry til 3pm. But, can truck on home afterwards. And tomorrow is Friday....which means only one thing.....DOMINICKS PIZZA NIGHT!!! :)

i am ready

2005-10-05T09:02:00.000-05:00

for the cold.....or at least cool.....weather. As I am about to get ready to ride my bike to work, I am not looking forward to the warm, muggy morning. But I want to get in one day of bike communting this week, because it is supposed to rain for a few days, starting tomorrow.

It is a 10 mile ride each way, and if I can at least get in 3 days a week, that's 60 miles a week. I would like to ride every day, but sometimes that just isn't possible due to rain, needing to haul stuff to work in the car, etc. I hope this helps me to melt off pounds. I am in dire need of weight loss and am having a lot of trouble.

I do find that when I am in my car and not on my bike I think longingly of being on my bike. So, I guess that's a good thing! :) At least it isn't torture. Well, that first day taking the lake shore path and going like 2 miles out of my way.....THAT was pretty torturous. But the route I do now? It's wonderful.

Well....off I go.

SOX FEST!

2005-10-04T17:49:00.000-05:00

Wow....bottom of the 8th.....13-2 White Sox....amazing!

Scotty Podsednik hit his FIRST home run too!!

HOLY REGGIE!!!

2005-10-04T13:41:00.000-05:00

My goodness....as of this writing, the Cardinals are winning game one of the Divisional series 8-0 after a Reggie Sanders grand slam home run! AND the Cardinals are still batting with a man on! I am still in shock. Busch Stadium is rockin'. Oh, how I wish I was there!! Okay, inning over.....wow.

As of this moment, I am home on my own, with a day off.....watching ball. The Sox/Sox series starts at 3pm. Graham will be home around 2:30, though I wish he was here to see this Cardinals game. It has been unbelieveable.

I have been pondering what we will do once the baseball season is over. We never have any money to go do much. So, baseball on TV and pizza has been the foundation of our recreational existence since June. Though once the weather gets cold, curling up with a blanket and book is quite enjoyable. But, oh....how I am going to miss baseball. The next few weeks are going to be very exciting. GO CARDS! GO SOX!

They were just saying on the TV that the Cardinals haven't won the series in 23 years. While I know this is true, when you say it out loud it makes me feel REALLY OLD. I remember that year so well....oh my goodness, what fun. That was also the year my husband was born. Eeek! I am old!

SOXTOBER

2005-09-30T18:40:00.000-05:00

Here we come!! And to celebrate....a picture of Scotty "too hotty" Podsednik....yum!

Both of my teams are in the playoffs......how about that??? White Sox Vs. Cardinals in the World Series?? Unlikely....buy possible? This would prove to be emotionally difficult ;)

what is with blog spam??

2005-09-30T18:39:00.000-05:00

I swear, everytime I post in here I get some sort of spamvertisements in my comment area......what the heck???

happiness is...

2005-09-30T15:57:00.000-05:00

...my husband

...a cool, crisp autumn day with a warm, soaking sun

...playing catch on the beach at Lake Michigan

...family dinners

...Dominicks $5 pizzas and Sox baseball

...snuggling with Graham, Em, and the animals (at the same time)

...city bike lanes

...having a job I love

...being able to pay the rent and bills

...baseball in October

...wearing a sweater to a baseball game

...Busch Stadium

...Ted Drewes

...baby animals

...going to the zoo with Graham, Em and Kael

...ethiopian food

...my friends (I miss them so much)

...the apple/pumpkin farm

...cold nights, warm blankets and good movies

...scary movie fests on AMC

...falling, colorful autumn leaves

...Tom Waits on my iPod on a dreary, cold, Chicago dusk while commuting home from work on the bus/El

wedding pictures

2005-09-24T22:11:00.001-05:00

oh my goodness....I spent a good portion of this afternoon weeding through the wedding photos on the CD we have. What a mess. There is no rhyme or reason to their order or how to find them on the disc. So, for me to get copies to people could take some significant amount of time. I am somewhat pleased with them. The funny thing, when we were at Jami's last weekend she gave me a disc of the pictures she took and they were by and large much nicer than the hired photographer's. Here are a couple I can throw up, since people have been asking to see some. As far as hard copies? Don't hold your breath.

the last one is one of Jami's....I love how she used the natural late day sunlight, which really shows the dress as it was, a nice ivory/champagne and not blasted out with a flash. However, what's done is done and I am grateful to have some photos, period. :)

awwww.....sleepy baby

2005-09-24T22:09:00.000-05:00

like a ghost from the past

2005-09-11T22:37:00.000-05:00

Today something very providencial happened.......I got the phone number of an old friend who I haven't spoken to since early 12 years. Not because I didn't want to, but we just lost touch. He was never easy to track down anyhow. He didn't have a stable home. We met on Delmar Ave. one cold fall afternoon in 1991 after I had run away from home and was living from apartment to apartment / floor to floor. He was a homeless punk kid from Dayton, OH. He was a long experienced hitchhiker, squatter, etc. Well, him, his friend Cameron and I became like peas and carrots. They took me under their wings and were very protective of me and taught me he ways of street living.......dumpster diving, squatting, panhandling for food and man we could make a few bucks stretch at Taco Bell. bean burritos!! If we had a little extra money we would get sour cream on our burritos, that was like Christmas! We travelled from STL to Southern IL to Madison, WI to Southern IL again and then to Columbus, OH where we were separated. After a long ordeal of hitchiking alone and searching Dayton, OH for them on foot. I found them. That is a story in itself, and a rather traumatizing experience as well.......for another day.

Well, we were all holed up in Dayton for awhile and ended up going separate ways eventually. I got one letter from him after a brief encounter we had in DC where we saw each other at a demonstration, and that was it. This guy was like my brother. I looked up to him, I adored him. We drunkenly fooled around a couple times, but decided that because of our close proximity and our genuine concern for each other and our friendship we didn't want to complicate it with a romantic relationship.

Over the years I tracked down a number of people I lived with in the punk co-op in Dayton. None of them had seen or heard from Eric in years. Rumors even had him dead.

Well, a few weeks ago on the internet forum I spend way too much time on (and have been on for 3 years now) a woman named Chris posted a picture of her son, Josh, who was a squatter in NY for a long time. I had friends in Dayton who lived in squats in Tompkins Square. So, I asked her to see if they knew each other. Sure enough, they did! Small world! Well I asked her to see if her son knew of Eric and a few days later I got a response that indeed Josh knew Eric. They lived together at one point! Eric lives in TN now in a house he built by hand and apparently has a load of kids. WOW! Well, she said Josh would try and track down a phone number. And indeed, tonight, that happened. I have his number in hand......I called him and left a message. His voice was not on the machine, so I hope it is right. I am giddy with anticipation, waiting to hear from him. Apparently he is in New Orleans doing tree work and helping out with clean up efforts.

Oh please.....let the phone ring.......

knit-o-rama campaign!!

2005-09-09T18:39:00.000-05:00

Let's get those needles cranking for our children who need warmth!

It was brought to my attention at a board meeting that a good number of our Head Start kids (ages 3-5) do not have proper winter clothing and gear. As some of you know, I love to knit! I am not that good at it, but love to do it nonetheless. However, I don't like to knit for myself, I love to knit for other people.

So.... I am doing a knit-o-rama campaign and am not looking to raise money, but am raising yarn! I want to knit all the kids in Head Start hats and scarves! I don't know how to knit mittens! So, if you or someone you know would like to donate a few spools of yarn, that would be great!

Also....knitters unite! If you would like to give some of your time to knit an item to add to the knit-o-rama.....that'd be great! If you want to use donated yarn, or buy your own.....we can talk.

We also need winter stuff for neighborhood families who have babies. So, I will also look into knitting baby blankets and other warm goodies for the smaller members of local families.

This next week I will be contacting shops and yarn companies about donating yarn. They can get a tax deduction for their donation if they make it directly to the Settlement. I may also send flyers to local shops looking for knitters to donate their works or buy some yarn and donate it. I am all over this project and am very excited!

woooooo!

work work work

2005-09-03T10:17:00.000-05:00

This is where I work! And let me tell you that after a few weeks at work, I LOVE my job! It is such a dynamic, creative, fun place to be. It is hard to even explain the different hats that I wear, but I love the fact that each day brings new and exciting challenges. My main responsibilities are coordinating the after school program for the Noble Street Charter High School and running the Chicago Community Trust Art Gallery (CCT Gallery for short). The art gallery work comes and goes and it is going to fall upon me hard in the month of September. The after school program is off to a running start. Well, there was a bit of coughing and sputtering trying to get the brochures out. Kinkos and I were not friends THAT day! But next week is sign up and classes start on the 19th. We have put together a great curriculum and I am excited to see how the program pans out.

Once the Head Start kids are back, I have been invited to come and read to them as much as I would like. I plan on dropping in every day on my lunch break and partaking in some Dr. Seuss and I will bring my favorite Maurice Sendak books too! That's the thing I like about the settlement: there are so many programs under our roof and even if it not a part in which you officially work, you can pop in and hang out and help out. It is truly a cohesive community and that is always such a beautiful thing.

If I could get on full time (officially) there, that would be great. Once classes start I will be there close to 40 hours a week, but that's because I get paid to do TWO part time jobs. The gallery, luckily, is not a daily responsibility but the work comes and goes. But, it adds up. I would love to be able to get full salary and medical.....they really do treat their employees well there with good packages......I hope to move into a full time slot within a year and there is A LOT of room to do that soon with the charter school becoming a network and opening 6 new campuses!

Money is tight, it is going to be a struggle.....but we will make it and I look forward to the year ahead. I just wanted to give a run down of my job, because people have asked about it and when I talk about it in the future it won't seem so vague.

silliness!

2005-09-03T10:15:00.000-05:00

homesick

2005-08-27T10:11:00.000-05:00

I am beginning to feel quite homesick for my old stomping grounds. Don't get me wrong.....I love Chicago. I love where we live, I love the beach, I absolutely love my job and not for one moment do I regret moving here so I could be with Graham. However, the homesick bug is setting in something wicked.

I had wanted to return to St Louis for labor day weekend to see a friend's art gallery opening and spend some time with my mom and friends. But, Graham has to help move his mom's stuff from storage and will have homework. We are going down the weekend of the 16th, but will only be there for one full day, and that day is booked solid. So, we will not get to see much of my mom.

I really miss my friends and their kids. I really do not have many friends in Chicago. I know a few people, but it has become common knowledge that they do not think much of me. I am not quite sure why, but I have heard some unkind words passed around. So, starting at square one trying to make friends is a wee bit difficult. Luckily, I am married to my best friend, so that definitely helps! I don't feel lonely or forlorn, but what I wouldn't give right now for an afternoon at the STL zoo, an evening on Leatha's patio kicking back a few drinks, firing up the grill.....or a ballgame, or just hanging round my mom's place. It will pass.......but I honestly never expected to be quite this homesick for St. Louis.....I mean, come on....St. Louis? haha! :)

i'm going back......

2005-08-20T15:08:00.000-05:00

well....hopefully anyway! I spoke with the woman I work closely with at the Settlement about the possibility of taking a group of high school students to Juarez next year to work on building houses. It wouldn't be til winter 06-07, but I will have to go through the proposal process early in 2006. She thinks it sounds like a great idea and what I will plan on doing is in the fall having an after school class, work with the kids on fundraising and learn about border issues. Then we will make our trip over the winter holiday.

I have been wanting to return to Juarez to work ever since I was there in Jan 2004. I have already emailed the man who runs the mission there that we worked with and since we are inquiring so far in advance, we should be able to get the dates we want.

I would see about Graham chaperoneing (sp?) the trip and have Emily involved as well. If Graham and I are to eventually be invilved in international justice and aid work we need to learn how to travel as a family to do this stuff!!

Anyhow, I am SO excited that this could happen.....we should be able to get a good size grant to do it as well so it will help defer the amount we will need to raise. I think this will be a great opportunity for me and the kids to be creative in fundraising and work hard together. While I don't see many of the people I went to Juarez with, the few times I have bumped into individuals it is like long lost war veterans seeing each other again. There will always be a special bond. It was the most amazing experience I have ever had. I hope to do it again, this time taking others to experience the wonder and beauty in serving others.

insane i tell you

2005-08-15T17:37:00.000-05:00

Well....I had always thought that Ann Coulter was off her rocker from reading her editorials. Her loose grasp on reality and her revisionist take on history is something to behold.....however, I offer up that this woman is LITERALLY insane. Until just the other day I had only read her stuff. Then, I saw her spewing nonsense on Fox News and everything I had believed was affirmed. If you happen to come across Ms. Coulter on the television take a moment and pay attention to her words, gestures, reactions. She is so fidgety, her eyes are constantly darting around the room and she is manic beyond belief. I had no idea.

Here's a perfect example of what I speak:

"I think [women] should be armed but should not [be allowed to] vote. No, they all have to give up their vote, not just, you know, the lady clapping and me. The problem with women voting -- and your Communists will back me up on this -- is that, you know, women have no capacity to understand how money is earned. They have a lot of ideas on how to spend it. And when they take these polls, it's always more money on education, more money on child care, more money on day care."
Politically Incorrect, Feb. 26, 2001

first day at work!

2005-08-11T07:17:00.000-05:00

Why else would I be up at 7:15am??

help protect women!

2005-08-09T15:55:00.000-05:00

As a survivor of two assaults and being witness to the survival of many women through my rape crisis intervention work, I know first hand how important it is that we make sure the Violence Against Women Act is reauthorized by congress this September. Please click the link above and sign the petition, send the petition to others and MAKE SURE to write or call your representative.

last night

2005-08-08T15:07:00.000-05:00

we went to the batting cages in skokie!! fun!!

I especially liked the medium pitch baseball cage....I was kicking all sorts of butt.....however, I am SO SORE today! Man, I need to get in shape!!

i went ahead and accepted

2005-08-08T13:50:00.000-05:00

the position with the Northwestern University Settlement Association this afternoon after much pondering and praying.

It had become apparent to me that the hiring process with the lit group was going to take at least a week or so more. There were more applications to fill out and they still had to do reference checks. So, there was no way walking into the interview tomorrow that I could have walked out with an answer. I didn't want to waste their time, nor mine. I feel very confident about this decision as well. I had such great vibes about the job at Northwestern all along and there are so many benefits to the job. A lot of the gallery work can be done from home, and it will allow me ample time to study for MA exams. I also wanted to continue my rape crisis work and will be able to do so if they accept me at the Rape Victims Advocacy org.

I did offer to do volunteer work with the lit group as I think they do great work even if their hiring process is a bit cadywompous.

So anyhow, what a great day! Also, I get to go and buy some new work clothes.....it is so rare that I get to do this. I ordered a new pair of shoes online.....

cute eh??

one of my favorites.....joins the big band in heaven

2005-08-07T11:48:00.000-05:00

By ANITA SNOW, Associated Press Writer Sun Aug 7, 9:41 AM ET

HAVANA - Ibrahim Ferrer, a leading voice with the hugely popular Buena Vista Social Club of vintage Cuban performers, died Saturday, his representative in Cuba said. He was 78.

The Montuno production company did not give a cause of death, but Ferrer's colleagues said he suffered from emphysema and was feeling ill earlier in the week.

Known for his trademark cap and graying mustache, Ferrer was a wiry, animated figure who clearly enjoyed performing Cuba's traditional "son" music of the 1940s and 1950s for new generations of fans.

Among a group of older Cuban performers recruited by U.S. musician Ry Cooder, Ferrer performed on the "Buena Vista Social Club album" that won a Grammy in 1999, and was among those appearing in the film of the same name.

"I felt like he was my brother," said fellow Buena Vista performer, the guitarist Manuel Galban. "He was a great musician and a great companion."

Also in 1999, Ferrer was featured in one of a string of albums that followed, "Buena Vista Social Club Presents Ibrahim Ferrer," and won a Latin Grammy for best new artist in 2000.

Two other well-known members of the original Buena Vista group, singer Compay Segundo and pianist Ruben Gonzalez, died in 2003.

Originally from Cuba's eastern city of Santiago, Ferrer was born on Feb. 20, 1927, during a dance at a social club after his mother unexpectedly went into labor.

Ferrer was still a boy when he began singing professional with Santiago groups in 1941. By the late 1950s, he was a well-known singer performing regularly with the late, great bandleader Pacho Alonso.

He also made guest appearances with other legendary names, including Benny More and Orquesta de Chepin.

Alonso's group moved to Havana in 1959, and Ferrer came along, remaining with the group for more than two decades. By the early 1980s, Ferrer had left the musical scene, but came out of retirement to perform with the Buena Vista group.

guess who has a job?

2005-08-05T17:43:00.000-05:00

ME!

I was officially offered the double position at the Northwestern Settlement Assoc. today as their art gallery coordinator and their teen after school program coordinator.

I did not officially accept as I still have one more interview with the lit program on Tuesday and wanted to see how that went. I told the woman who offered me the position that I would have an answer for her on Wednesday. She was very kind in allowing me the time to finish walking that path and I am so happy! I have been a bit frustrated with the lit program and their organizational skills......the group interview left a bad taste in my mouth, and the process has been really frustrating for me. It seems the positive signs lead to Northwestern......but, we'll see......

I am pretty sure this is going to be the job. It feels right. I loved the people I interviewed with and met at the office. The woman I would be working with directly is from St. Louis and we had such a nice time talking. And there is ample room in such a large place to move up and work in a variety of fields. And both these positions are such great and much needed workplace experience. Hallelujah!

So, I am still not 100% where I will be working but at least I know I will be working somewhere!!

HAPPY DAY!!

south side!!

2005-08-04T20:37:00.000-05:00

We attempted to drive overnight to Chicago last night and made it as far as Springfield (100 miles) We checked into a Motel 6, never took our bags in, slept in our clothes for 5 hours and got back on the road at about 8:30am.

We made it into Chicago around lunch time and after much hurrying and dropping Kerry (the dog) at the apartment, we missed the first inning of the White Sox game. We missed a 3 run homer......doh!

However.....Ben and Jen were waiting for us!! :)

We had terrific seats, and I could see my favorite player really well when he came up to bat.....Joe Crede!!

as always, I enjoyed the company of my beautiful husband.....

we even got to see Ben pitch an inning.....

and ahhh how scenic downtown is from the South Side....

there's no place like home.....

2005-08-03T22:58:00.000-05:00

well....our wedding week in STL is over. Topped off with a Cardinal win! What a great game, and we had such great seats. We are driving back to Chicago in about an hour....should get back by around 5am. I am really sad about leaving, as I do not know when I will be back in St Louis. I didn't think it would be as hard as it is. I am already teary and I am not even 100% packed. This is it.....no reason to come back in the near future, though with my mom staying here for awhile we will be back more than I had originally thought when we moved. Leave the light on St. Louis, I will come home again soon......

last night at busch

2005-08-03T22:32:00.000-05:00

3rd and final game in our Cardinals honeymoon......what a great win and a slugfest to boot!!

I got to see Tavarez pitch an inning.....while Carpenter is a favorite, I believe that Tavarez is my most favorite player in a Cardinals uniform. He has a dynamite side arm and a hot head to boot! He is just electric to watch pitch.

And the Cardinals WIN!! 9-6!

Our last photo in Busch Stadium.....this time next year it will be a hole in the ground.

my birthday / day 3 honeymoon

2005-08-03T09:33:00.000-05:00

We had a most fun day yesterday! Here is a run down (with pictures!!)

After we went out to the church to let in the party rental people for pick up, we went out for a birthday lunch with my friend Callie and her sweetest baby, Esther! We went to The Pasta House, a Saint Louis institution.....toasted ravioli....yum!

After lunch, Graham and I headed downtown.....

We stopped at Union Station and did a little shopping and Graham got me a couple birthday presents! He got me a matted photo of Busch Stadium with stats and a yummy candle. Though I have to admit that the best part of his gift was the lovely note he wrote in my card.

After Union Station we went to the Cardinals Museum/Hall of Fame

We got to see all kinds of neato items and watched a movie about the history of the Cardinals. I can't believe I have been in STL my whole life (more or less) and had never been to this museum. Also within this building is the International Bowling Hall of Fame! This place is even referenced in a Simpsons episode, though we always thought Homer was joking when he said there was a bowling pin car.....however, he does not kid....

We played two games of bowling while we were there.....Graham was struggling a bit, while I bowled my best game ever 147.....lucky day for me, I guess.....

We then mosied over to Busch Stadium.....here is a look at the inside of the new stadium, which I greeted with lukewarm enthusiasm. I am so sad about the old stadium being torn down.

Here is the view from our seats

Guess who was pitching??? My favorite....Chris Carpenter.....

The game was great....had some interesting calls and plays, hard to explain though. LaRussa had to come out of the dugout a few times....but in the end, the Cardinals got the win and Carpenter is the first pitcher to win 16 this season.....

We came back home, ate the topper from our wedding cake as a stand in birthday cake.....cleaned up and went to bed. It was a long day, though one of the most fun days I have had in awhile.

Today? Have some car errands to tackle (oil change, headlight repair, etc).....Cardinals game at 7 and then it looks as though we will drive overnight to Chicago, because the Sox game is at 1pm tomorrow.....so, this should be an interesting 24 hours ahead......catch ya back in Chi-town!

ballpark honeymoon

2005-08-02T11:38:00.000-05:00

today is my birthday! How about that? However, as I mentioned before, it is completely overshadowed by the week's events.....last night we met our friends Jen, Ben and Evonne downtown to take in a Cardinals game....while the Cardinals lost, it was a good game and we had a lot of fun! Thanks to JD and Margie, we now have a digital camera and can post photos of our adventures not too long after the fact. Here are a few snaps from our honeymoon at the hotel and then the Cardinals game.....

today? Birthday lunch with Graham, Callie and the sweetest baby, Esther! Cardinals hall of fame museum and then stopping over at Union Station to pick up a wool pennant I found yesterday when we stopped in to get my new SUPA SWANKY baseball hat....1982 baby! See pics....coolest hat ever? I think so.....

Also....got a call back for the interview with the Literature group....more on that later.....

Well....let the photos roll.....

goin' to the chapel

2005-08-01T13:50:00.000-05:00

Well....I am now Ms. Kate Stewart! How about that? The last week went off so incredibly well. We had a few minor snags at the last minute, but overall everything went perfectly. I will try and get photos up as soon as I can. I will not get the official wedding photos back for a few weeks.....I will try and post some honeymoon photos though, because one of our gifts was a digital camera!!

The weekend was so packed with friends and family, it would take me an hour to even begin to write everything down. We had a lovely family with the Stewart family on Thursday evening. The rehearsal dinner, put together by the Goring family, was WONDERFUL. Ruth put everything together so well, and the evening was such a treat! I got to see my dad after at least a year and a half. So, it was nice to spend some time with him.

The one thing about the wedding day itself was that it all happened just way too fast! The ceremony sped by.....I was doing everything in my power not to cry, while having a plastered HUGE grin on my face. I was just so overcome with joy and love. It was amazing. The vibe in the room was so warm and lovely. The reception went off without a hitch. Though, I couldn't walk a few feet without being pulled to a side to talk. I tried to spend time with every group of people present that I could.....and STLLL I wanted more time with so many people! The night came to an end way too soon, though Graham and I retired to the Drury Inn and had a lovely evening.....well, ya know.....

We spent Sunday opening gifts with my mom and some of her family. Best gifts?? Digital camera, Sopranos season 5, a beautiful tapestry from India, and an original Bellows lithograph.....WOW!! All those presents were like a lifetime of birthdays rolled into one. Speaking of birthdays.....mine is.....ummm...tomorrow. 31.....not as painful as turning 30, though the wedding has overshadowed my birthday and I am not even that bothered with it.

We are now honeymooning in my mom's house....going to 4 baseball games this week and I get to buy a new Cardinals hat with some gift money! yay! Mom and Em are in NY and we head back to Chicago on Thursday for a Sox game......

No word on a job, though had 2 interviews last week....one was so so and the other went REALLY well....more on that later.

Right now? I am going to go give my husband a BIG HUG AND KISS!!! *mwah!* I am one HAPPY NEW WIFE!!!

hot town, summer in the city

2005-07-25T10:14:00.000-05:00

woah doggie! It is hot hot hot! Well, looks like we will have some respite from the heat tody and over the next few days. yesterday it was 102 here in Chicago with a heat index of 115-120. I can see how people can die from the heat as the rooms in our apartment without a/c (which is all the rooms but the living room) were suffocatingly hot. It was difficult to sit at my edsk for more than a few minutes. It would appear that a storm front is moving through and with it some much needed cooler air. Last night Em slept on the ottoman, Graham ended up on the loveseat and he let me sleep on Em's mattress in the living room. The a/c leaks in because we cannot give it a good tilt outwards because of our windows. So, he stayed up half the night draining the leaking water that we have to collect in tupperware containers. He shut it off at 4am or so so he could sleep. I was up by 5 having difficulkty breathing from the heat and turned it back on. I set my alarm for every hour so I could drain the containers. I am tired, but it could be worse. I am very excited that it seems to be cooling off. I even hear thunder in the distance.

It has been a long time since I have blogged and so much has been going on. I have a job interview tomorrow with Literature for All of Us. I wrote about that position before, and am hopeful that it will go well. I am a bit nervous because it is a group interview with other candidates, but Ruth gave me some great advice how to approach it. I am also a little more at ease because on return to Chicago on Saturday night I came home to a message from the Northwestern Settlement Association and they would like to interview me for their art gallery coordinator position. I am really excited about this too!! I have yet to confirm a time, but I have left the woman a message and I hope she calls me back asap!! :)

We were in STL for a few days last week. Dr. Barb, a long time friend and the head of the school I grew up at, my mom worked at, and Emily went to for 7 years passed away last week after a 15 year battle with cancer. My mom has been offered the interim head position at the school and has taken it on. Things are really changing and taking all sorts of twists and turns. It was sad to see Dr. Barb go, but long expected. She was my girl scout leader, I used to play at her house all the time with her kids, she was always a positive presence when I was young. I was also terrified of her, you never wanted to cross her path. I was always on my best behavior, because she meant business! Emily on the other hand did not take the same precautionary measures, and found herself in Dr. Barb's office more than once. She was all about tough love, but she touched the lives of so many people and she will be VERY missed.

In the midst of a funeral, we also managed to get in my wedding dress fitting, a gazillion errands, and some quiet time at the house. Our dog Kerry is in STL with my mom, living in the lap of air conditioned luxury......lucky him! He will return to Chicago with us after the honeymoon.

Well, it is time to get out of the hot room where my computer is and back into the living room.....this is how my week is going to shape up:

Today - pick up Natalie at O'Hare at 5pm!!! WOOWOO!!

Tomorrow - job interview 9am, doctor appt 1pm (unless I can pick up that other interview), hang with Natalie

Wednesday - drive to STL

Thursday - decorate the church for the wedding

Friday - rehearsal and rehearsal dinner

Saturday - THE WEDDING!

and after?? a week of baseball honeymoon goodness......WOO CARDINALS!! WOO WHITE SOX!!

Wow.....I can't believe this week is already here!!

quote of the day......WTF?

2005-07-08T13:45:00.000-05:00

From the July 6 broadcast of Westwood One's The Radio Factor with Bill O'Reilly, guest-hosted by Gibson:

GIBSON: By the way, just wanted to tell you people, we missed -- the International Olympic Committee missed a golden opportunity today. If they had picked France, if they had picked France instead of London to hold the Olympics, it would have been the one time we could look forward to where we didn't worry about terrorism. They'd blow up Paris, and who cares?

a response!!

2005-07-06T00:53:00.000-05:00

Well.....late this afternoon I got a response from that non-profit that does book groups with teenage mothers. They are interested in me and have asked for some writing samples. They asked for three poems and a literary criticism. Well......*gulp* I haven't written a poem in years and all the literary criticism type stuff I did was YEARS ago in undergrad and I don't have it any more. I was panicked and quite upset about this, as I thought I was just out of the running completely. But, I remembered a paper I did for a grad level sociology seminar where we analyzed a feminist piece of fiction. So, I am fine tuning a couple pages of that to turn in. It may not be EXACTLY what they want, but it is a decent piece and in the ballpark. I went ahead and dug out three old poems I wrote when I took a poetry writing class in like 1997. What other option do I have? They aren't that great, but hey.....what to do???

So, anyhow, I have Graham's mom going over the paper as well (she is a book editor!) and look forward to some comments from her. I hope to get this stuff back out tomorrow via email and USPS. I do not want to take any chances! The minute I saw this job listing I thought it was THE perfect job. At least they have some interest and I have gotten a response. That is WAY MORE than I have gotten from anywhere else. So.....fingers crossed......vibes.....prayers......eeee!

Any more news? Got the bridesmaid outfits in and delivered to my ladies......whew. Got the DSL up and running here in the new apartment. Also got an answering machine. I am so glad about all of this. With the dial up on half of the time I worried about jobs trying to contact me and without an answering machine I was worried about them not being able to leave a message. I can rest a lot better now.

Yesterday was Ruth's (Graham's mom) birthday. We had a delicious meal at her place and enjoyed some nice company with her friends and Claire (Graham's sister). Ruth's friend Jill made this amazing lemon blueberry pound cake. I MUST get the recipe, it was mouthwatering.

Emily is loving her summer day camp at the local Mennonite church and has made some good friends already! A sleepover has been proposed for Thursday, we are considering.....hmmmm.....

3 1/2 weeks til the wedding......time is of the essence and I still need to get my dress fitted and we need to apply for a marriage license. So, a trip to STL is in order within the next week or so. I am getting pretty tired of being in the car. But, on the flipside, it is amazingly nice to be in the same place with Graham all the time now. Though, in some ways I will miss the distance relationship. The anticipation of his visits was always so encompassing. I would get so giddy. And every moment together was really treasured. I have to say that that part hasn't changed much. While we have our moments, I am so grateful for all this time we have together.

it's a miracle!!

2005-07-04T12:08:00.000-05:00

at our friend's wedding this past weekend.....I got Graham to dance with me!! We cut a little rug to some Frank Sinatra. Not a flattering photo of either of us, but proof nonetheless!!

it's a blast of arctic air

2005-06-26T11:14:00.000-05:00

I swear those are the sweetest words ever muttered in the summertime in the midwest. While I am not sure that is what we had last night here in Chicago, it sure felt like it. By 9pm, the air had a nice chill to it. The night before after we got the air conditioner in (which was a drama not worth repeating) we all huddled in front of it and slept on the living room floor. So, this nice cool air was a welcome relief. We cannot afford to be running the a/c all the time, just in times of desperation. (Ex. like when the cats are lethargic and on the brink of death) We enjoyed the evening by sitting out on the deck, listening to Billie Holiday and having a cool drink.

a-ha....job stuff.....I did not get the teaching assistant job at Sacred Heart and the Mennonite school after a fair amount of delay and miscommunication informed me that they cannot hire me unless I work through MVS. While I was happy to work through MVS, thinking it would pay my living expenses, the monthly cash stipend was $900.....that would cover my rent, and then not even a CTA pass....so, no, we could not survive on that. So I am back on the trail with absolutely no leads. I did find a job listing for what I think would be a PERFECT job. It is being a facilitator of book groups with young teenage mothers. Check out the site of the organization, Literature For All Of Us. On the list of job requirements and what the job is exactly it is as if it was created for me.....however, I am trying not to get my hopes up too much. But it is so perfect, and it is based in Evanston which is just a hop away from here.

OK.....empanada time!! Then I shall spend the day engaged in a rigorous routine of unpacking and cleaning.....it is nearing completion, but not......quite.....there. I want to take advantage of the cool-ish day to work on the bedroom, since it is the warmest room in the house. I can't wait til the house is all organized and cleaned up!

hot hot hot!!

2005-06-24T22:57:00.000-05:00

Wow....whatta week! It has been so crazy and tiring. Tuesday, we packed up the moving truck which took a better part of the day. I then spent the last 1/3 of the day with a hellish migraine. Wednesday we were on the road to Joliet, IL by about 12:30pm and arrived at about 7. The truck took awhile to get used to. On the open interstate I had no problems. However, maneuvering in the city is another story. There was nowhere we could park the moving truck overnight in Chicago, so we stayed in Joliet and got up at 5:30am Thursday and drove into the city.

I drove that truck 300 miles or so and managed to hit a parked car within 20 feet of my front door! We were going to go leave a note, but the landlord insisted we come in and do the lease business. As we were on our way back out the back balcony, the guy who owned the car got in the car and drove off!! We have not seen it since.

Well, after that drama....it took us most of the day to unload the truck. Graham and his friend Josh's brother John did most of the large furniture later in the day. I honestly don't think there will ever be words of thanks enough to express my gratitude to him for helping. I don't know how else we would have gotten everything up the stairs. Oh yeah, and we had to ditch our beautiful loveseat sleeper sofa that we found a couple months ago. It was too big to go up either set of stairs and we did not have the manpower or cash to hoist it up the building. So now, our living room is furnished with camping chairs.....fun! :)

I got most of the apartment unpacked today.....and I should add in the 90 degree heat. Not only is it that hot outside, but the apartment itself is still 90 degrees and it is 11pm......after a day of ice slushies, ice cold showers, trying to cool off we broke down and bought a window unit. We were struggling to manage the heat, but our poor animals were feeling the brunt of it. One of our cats was near unconsiousness on the bathroom floor. yipes!!!

Well, off to install the a/c unit.....I am happy to be here, and will be even happier with some a/c!!

a few words

2005-06-21T21:19:00.000-05:00

yesterday and today: migraine....possible inner ear infection? hmmm...???

hauled a lot of boxes and furniture

right now: exhausted

tomorrow: me, Graham, Emily, 1 dog, 2 cats, big truck, I-55.....adventure!

quote of the day

2005-06-20T15:33:00.000-05:00

"I grew up in Central-Western Illinois about halfway between St. Louis and Chicago. My friends were all Cardinals fans and grew up to be happy liberals. I was a Cubs fan and of course grew up to be a bitter conservative." -- George Will

website of the day! two of my favorite things.....history and baseball!

2005-06-12T15:58:00.000-05:00

Dressed to the Nines - A History of the Baseball Uniform

The National Baseball Hall of Fame has a website with a viewable design archive of every team uniform in baseball history, along with a history of the uniform style itself.....it is fascinating and is fun to look through! ENJOY!!

happy anniversary!!

2005-06-12T13:21:00.000-05:00

well on June 4th, 2005 Graham and I celebrated one year together......our first date was to a Cardinals game with my friends (now, our friends) Erika and Alex. So in honor of one year, we took in a game at Graham's baseball home, US Cellular Field - home of the White Sox. Baseball will always be a major thread in our relationship, and I love it! I just hope the Cardinals and the White Sox never meet up in the World Series, else it might get a little nasty around our house. I love you Graham!!

after all these years.....

2005-06-12T13:20:00.000-05:00

I finally was able to have a Blatz beer!!

guest blog post!

2005-06-12T00:04:00.000-05:00

Someone I know wrote this next segment in their blog.....it was so great that I did not want to just link it, but I have cut and pasted it here for your viewing please.....I hope he doesn't mind.....and now....heeeeere's Deni!

_________________________

I'd Like To Buy A Barf Bag, Pat

Browsing around the internet today at my temp gig while they interviewed people for my job, and I came across something that you have to see. I think I came across this by a link from my friend Joe's blog to another blog, which had a link to this. Yes, Pat Sajak has a website/blog/ego stroke. Go ahead, read some of his "Pat Sajak says....." shit. What a jack-off. Now, I learned a while ago that he was a conservative twit while reading an editorial in some paper (one of those "liberal" ones) by him. It was an ironic article, given that he was going off on the mainstream "liberal media" for their bias against conservative views even though they were publishing an article by him, a conservative celebrity. This is typical of most conservatives these days. Claim over and over that there is a "liberal bias" and maybe it will actually be true. Or at least the stupid people will believe it to be true. And they do. But coming across this idiot's web site and seeing some of the stupid shit he writes was just hilarious. For the most part it is a lot like the rest of the GOP talking points you see everyday on the news. But the smugness with which he writes puts him right up there with the king of twits Robert Novak. And like FOX News, Pat likes to play fast and loose with the facts. Like the claim he makes about Air America Radio not gaining any ground, despite the fact that their ratings and number of markets keep growing, and they are beating Rush and O'Reilly in several cities.

And like the rest of the conservatives in this country, Sajak-off loves to make the claim that we liberals are happy every time a bomb goes off in Iraq and innocent people are killed because it makes Dubya look bad. Well fuck you Pat! The reason we were against this war to begin with was because we didn't want a bunch of innocent people to get killed you stupid ass. Pointing out that these things are the result of Georgie Boy's failed policies is not celebrating it. Thousands of innocent people dead and people like wheel-boy continue to paint us as the evil ones. Guess what, prick? Blaming us won't get rid of your guilt.

And like all good conservatives, much of his writing has the obligatory sucking of The Gipper's dick. OK, we get it, you cons loved that jackass who sold weapons to Iran and destroyed democracy in Nicaragua. But, much to my delight, he's dead now. So get over it. And the last time I checked totalitarianism is alive and well in Russia, so even the big thing they like to give him credit for (ending Communism blah blah blah) didn't actually happen. It just renamed itself.

Some more things from game show pretty-boy: He has an entry where he calls himself a member of an exclusive club, along with the likes of Johnny Carson. That being the club of people who had late-night talk shows. You gotta love it. He has a show that tanked horribly and he considers it some great thing he did. All 15 months of it.

He goes off on celebrities for their preaching of their political beliefs, then makes excuses for the way he does it. He also suggests revisiting the 1st Amendment. There are, of course, the obligatory attacks on Bill and Hillary. And taking jabs at Gore's unpopularity with the American people, forgetting, like all conservatives do, that he actually got about a half a million more votes than the Texas Ranger man. There is also the portrayal of Christians as somehow oppressed in this country. Oh, and we on the left hate them too. Even though the majority of the people on the left in this country, just like the right, are Christians. People on the right love to scream about religious hatred at us, usually right after it's been found out they did something like piss on somebody else's holy book.

My two favorites are these: He does go off about taxes. Typical conservative nonsense. He falls right in line with the rich lazy-white-guy who doesn't think he should have to pay taxes. I always find it funny that guys like William Buffet and George Soros, who have worked really hard to become kajillionaires, are all for paying their fair share of taxes, including the Estate Tax, while guys like Pat, who works about three hours one day a week (that's how a whole week of game shows are done) cries like a little pussy about how he's being ripped off. Seriously, this guy doesn't know anything about a 40-hour week or hard work, his riches have come about with the greatest of ease because he was born with TV looks and a good voice. Personally, I would have a TV host tax, and the rate would go up with the stupidity of the show and the ease of the host's job. That would put Patty-boy at about a 90% tax rate. Vanna would have to hand her whole check over. Donald Trump would have to give up his salary and pay extra on top of that. But I digress. Back to the dumb-ass. In a couple of entries he goes off on liberals for name-calling (labeling someone a Hitler and other things like that) and makes a point about how he doesn't do things like that. But look over his postings and you'll see him call John Kerry a jerk, he'll refer to both Michael Moore and Ted Kennedy as fat, allude to Barbara Boxer as a cry-baby and Hollywood celebrities being stupid and Democrats being drunks. The best he could come up with for Al Franken was to call him unfunny a couple of times. There is something really hilarious about guys like Sajakoff or O'Reilly accusing Franken of not being funny. Does anyone really think either of them would know a good joke if it came up and fucked them in the ear? See, like that. Not a good joke. But still better than any of dickface's little stabs at humor during the "get to know the stupid Iowa housewife" portion of his game show.

Ok, enough of going off on the twit. He might call me an Internet Goon. That's someone who pisses Pat off by saying mean things and hiding behind a screen name. He goes on and on about it in that post. Talks about how he doesn't read letters he gets at the game show if it is unsigned. Well, I'm more than happy to sign my name to this you waste of oxygen. But one thing, Pat doesn't have a comment page or a "contact me" section on his ego stroke site. So if anyone knows how I can forward this to him please let me know. And just for the record douche-bag, I am:

Sincerely yours,

Deni Mayer
Boston, MA
White male
American
Married no kids
Age - 34
Sign - Leo

2005-06-11T21:55:00.000-05:00

It is Saturday.....I have a lasagna cooking in the oven and brownies ready to go in.....yum! Because of the absence of school and work the only way I know what day of the week it is is by looking at the baseball schedule or if the mail shows up....oh yeah, and of course looking through the job boards (not much gets posted on the weekend).

I am excited because Code Pink is now organizing in Chicago. I emailed them this afternoon and hope to hook up with them once I move.

I posted a job wanted ad on craigslist and had a response from a placement service for a job working as an academic advisor. The salary was pretty decent though it would be a crap commute. However, it doesn't matter as of now because I couldn't get time off for the wedding. And I can't very well cancel that! I was willing to move sooner, rearrange everything, etc.....but can't do much about the wedding. The woman did say that they would likely still be hiring in August and to contact her after the wedding. So, that's promising......no word from anything else.....as per usual. Graham suggested I use a more "professional" email, so I made one.

I started watching Carnivale this evening on DVD....borrowed it from Dave. Better watch it before I move so I can give it back! The first one was pretty good! I will likely watch another one before bed.

Had a nice Friday at Leatha's......they had a little party for Alex. It was his birthday. We just hung out, listened to baseball and had a few beers.....nice.

Quiet day today......am getting a lot of cleaning and packing done. So, that's good.

Well....I better go get my lasagna out of the oven......ciao!

when it comes to a job.....

2005-06-08T23:30:00.000-05:00

.....no news is not good news. It is almost a week after a promised deadline about the teaching job and I have heard nothing. I now can only assume that it isn't a go and I have let go of the idea. I still could hear from Sacred Heart, where I interviewed last Thursday, but I am not holding my breath.

So, now, as mentioned in another post, I have hit the job boards once again. Is there not ONE job in Chicago for a woman with a diverse and well rounded education? A woman with an intense desire to serve others and work for the better good of the Chicago community? A woman with a big heart, and an affectionate nature? I can tell you all about peasant resistance in Russia against Stalinist collectivization, but I can't even land a job at Borders. I have applied to so many places, a wide variety of job opportunities.....and.....nada. Today I applied to a pro-bono, non-profit law firm for a secretarial position. I wouldn't mind that kind of work at all if it were working for the right organization and this place sounds pretty good! Teaching jobs, advocate jobs, shelters, children's homes, libraries, etc.....I have applied to them all. The sad thing is when I keep coming across job listings for places I know I have already applied to once and sometimes twice!

Other news? Hmmmmm.....getting the house packed. I packed upo approx 18 boxes of books and got my shelving stacked and organized. I still have a lot to do, but a big step has been accomplished. Moving to Chicago in a little over 2 weeks now......so much to do!

Graham and I are babysitting Erika's son Kael tonight. He is 2 1/2 and such a doll! We got to read Where The Wild Things Are and The Monster at the End of This Book.......how I miss reading those all the time. Tomorrow, if the weather holds, we are going to go to the zoo and see the hippos! Oh, how I love the hippos!! I love to watch them swim. The are so large, yet so graceful and always look just so content and at peace.....almost smiling.....when they are swimming.

demand an investigation of the abu ghraib and guantanamo abuses

2005-06-08T12:26:00.000-05:00

From Amnesty International: The refusal of the U.S. government to conduct a truly independent investigation into the abuses at Guantanamo, Abu Ghraib, and other detention centers is tantamount to a whitewash, if not a cover-up, of these disgraceful crimes. It’s a failure of leadership to prosecute only enlisted soldiers and a few officers, while protecting those who designed and authorized a deliberate government policy of torture, inhuman or degrading treatment.

do something......now......
Amnesty International

back on the trail......

2005-06-06T10:09:00.000-05:00

well......I am back on Saint Louis and hitting the job boards hardcore again. After a good interview at Sacred Heart for a teaching assistant position, I will not hear anything from them for at least another week. So, I am back on the job hunt. I never heard from the Mennonite school, which is deeply discouraging. I really thought I had an in there.......as I am writing this I am doing an online application for Borders, it is freakin ridiculous! They have one of those personality tests, it is 47 pages long!!!!

Graham and I signed a lease on an apartment Friday afternoon. It is a decent place. It has a living room and a dining room, which I like. The dining room has the original wood beam ceilings and I love it! Emily's room is a bit small, but we will manage. It also has a small patio/deck which I love. We will be moving in less than three weeks! We are back in Saint Louis for awhile. A lot of cleaning and packing to do.

Well, better get back to business.......cheeri-o

are we using the right tactics? - a brief critical view on the modern anti-war movement

2005-05-31T21:42:00.000-05:00

This book arrived in my mail over the weekend and I spent a good part of the evening last night perusing through it. I am a huge fan of Code Pink and I think the work they do is creative and has a lot of energy and charisma. However, are using the tactics that they use in protest really going to be the most effective? While I am drawn to the eccentric, creative nature of Code Pink, I can see it turning off a vast majority of people who might otherwise be called to the anti-war movement.

When building a strong anti-war movement that is seriously out to STOP WAR and challenge the current administration you would think people would be engaged in movements that would galvanize support from more of those middle of the road people, those who aren't into outrageous displays and theatrical protest. It is easy for the neo-con/pro-war/Bush people to point to those types and say, "well the anti-war movement is just CRAZY!" I believe this keeps some people from being more active out of fear of being labeled something that they see as negative. Is this type of movement alienating more people than it unifies?

While somewhat different, it reminds me of the anarchists I have come across at protests, heck I used to run with those people when I was in my teens. They tear things up, and are quite destructive.....in the name of peace? Well, very few people are even going to listen to them and some of their ideas are quite valid. But, they will never win favor of public support acting like that. In the end it seems like a self righteous, egotistical display. Aren't movements and protests out to build a momentum, and try and get people to see your point of view? It seems so many within the antiwar movement make it easy for those on the other side to reject them completely, and their views.

Now, I am not saying that we should be un-creative, or change who we are. We should use our beautiful, creative talents where we can......and as I said before I am a big fan of Code Pink.......but, if we are truly interested in making a serious challenge and bring about change in this country, we need to address the larger population and appeal to them as well. We need to speak to them on a level that they will understand. The problem with so many on the left is that we tend to be very insular and very exclusive. We do not take kindly to people who are different than us, and I don't mean ethnically, racially, etc.....but people who may lean a little more right, shop at Wal Mart, etc......I am guilty too! If we want to create a truly strong peace movement we have to appeal to men and women we may not typically associate with in social circles. Yes, protest and political action have very deeply imbedded social elements in them, but we need to get beyond what separates us and try and form a unified front against a beast which sometimes seems more powerful than anything we have the means to fight back with.

One thing I like about Christian peace and justice work is its ability to reach out to people on a level beyond social circles. We are able to appeal to their theological sensibilities. Of course this will not reach everyone, but I think there is a massive cross section of this country that could be appealed to on this level.

It is important to recognize that as a movement we can have many faces, but I also think we need to recognize our abilities (or lack of) to unite the majority with a common goal.....peace.

sometimes you gotta sweat the little things......

2005-05-31T15:31:00.000-05:00

well, they are not going to rent us the apartment.....that woman said her "partner" said that they don't want the pets there. This is the same partner she spoke to 3 days ago who wanted the pet deposit in advance and we worked it out to get it. She also said that she had left me a message which is an all out lie......so, while I am really bummed about not getting the perfect apartment, I am even more bummed because I hate being lied to and jerked around.

I came home from Chicago yesterday so I could get my emissions testing and licence plates renewed.....well, it didn't pass emissions and Honda is saying that it will cost $1000 to fix. We just plopped a couple grand into the car last month to pass inspection and get it in really decent working order. We have a few options, but just having one more thing to worry about is not what I need right now.

....and....no word on the job

I need a nap....or at least some taco bell!

...oh what a weekend....

2005-05-30T22:52:00.000-05:00

Well....almost a week since my last post and it has been a crazy week!

Em and I drove to Chicago on Wednesday afternoon, though by the time we got through the Chicago traffic to Graham's place we were in the car for over 7 hours.....ugh! We had a quiet night in and tried for an early bed so Em would be rested for her visit at the Waldorf School. Oh yes, I got an email about the job on Wednesday and NOW I will not hear anything until this week. I don't know when exactly......but it really has been doing my head in.

Thursday, Em went to school and Graham and I spent the morning wandering the streets in Rogers Park looking for apartments.....calling numbers on "For Rent" signs, and enjoying the day. We saw a few places.....one overlooked piles of garbage and the kitchen window was missing! eek! Another was over a shop, it was so so but needed a lot of work. After we got Em we drove out to the far west burbs, which took about THREE HOURS because of traffic and had some delish Giordanos Pizza!! YUM!

Friday, we had a quiet day at home while Em was visiting the school. We got her at 3 after a meeting with a teacher at the school. We then went to look at a place near Loyola and Waldorf. Literally, right around the corner......it is BEAUTIFUL! New hardwood floors, ceiling fans, sunny airy, large bedrooms (master bedroom is huge and has french glass doors!!), nice kitchen with new appliances, clean, colorful bathroom.....just PERFECT and for a really good price! Well, perfection is not so easily attained as the landlord is a total used car salesman type. She was very shady and was trying to get us to sign a lease on the spot. While we knew we were keen on the apartment, we also knew we had to talk a few things over and make phone calls to our respective family members who are helping us out financially and by co-signing. It is hard to get across in writing how uncomfortable this woman makes us, but you will just have to take my word for it. So we went home, decided YES we want this place, we got the money together to put down a deposit and called her back to say, "yes, we want to sign today." She never responded to our calls that day, even after we put in a call to her sister. She had offered us $25 off the rent to sign THAT day, so we suspect she didn't want to return our calls so she could get out of that deal.

Then, Saturday, we called her in the AM and made an appointment to go and sign a lease at 4:45 in the afternoon. Graham's mom, Ruth, went with us to co-sign and we were all ready to put down the deposit and do what we needed to do. Well, when we arrived at the building there was another couple standing outside waiting. I asked if they were there to see an apartment, and they said yes. I told them, "oh, we are here to sign a lease on an apartment." When the landlord arrived she told us that there were indeed 2 units for rent, but then proceeded to take the couple up to the exact same apartment we had looked at. So, she had now lied to us......she also told us to wait outside for her husband who was bringing the lease papers. (she later said she had run out of lease papers because she rented some units at her other building....hmmmmm) She brought the couple outside and they left, she then inquired about her husband who had not shown up and made a phone call. She then said her husband had been in a car accident and that we would not be able to sign a lease that day and to call back on Tuesday. I cannot tell you how frustrating this has been, and really threw me into a tailspin which didn't really stop til this morning.

I am so so so tired of being told one thing and then people not doing what they say they will. I guess it isn't lying exactly, but it isn't far off. I am exhausted and scared. I am supposed to move to Chicago within the next 8 weeks and don't have a place to live, don't have a job secured and don't have a school for Em set in stone. I take heart in the confidence and faith I have in Graham and in our relationship, but surrounding circumstances have been straining. I am also tired of being so self conscious about people who are nice to my face, but are reportedly not very nice about me behind my back - spreading lies about me and people I care about and making unkind comments about me. Graham is friends with some of these people, and it puts me in such an awkward position. It is something that has been weighing on me greatly.

So, Saturday night I am in the shower, in tears, just feeling so lost and frustrated and Graham comes in to tell me that my friend Erika has called and that she needs to talk to me. Her father had just suffered a heart attack. So I get out and called her immediately, she was packing to drive to Wisconsin. We were on and off the phone and then she called to tell me that her dad had just died. I was in tears with her on the phone, her pain was so deep and infectious. I never met her dad, but I know how much he meant to her. So, I am grieving for her and her family. Graham and I will be in Wisconsin at the end of the week for the wake, to show our support for Erika and her family. She has more or less asked for us to come.

So, Sunday comes around and I am in just a daze....crying through church, and feeling sick and unsociable. It was difficult getting through the after church potluck picnic. I am usually quite comfortable talking to new people and being social in situations like that, but this was really hard for me. I did my best to not come across as cold or rude and tried to smile and be as cordial as I could. Graham went out to his friends' place Sunday afternoon and evening. I did want to go, but I knew that I would not be good company and I didn't want to be a bring down. So, Em and I stayed back at the apartment and I spent most of the day and evening in bed. I was emotionally drained but also physically unwell - nauseous, dizzy, etc.

I felt much better this morning and was glad that we stayed in Chicago last night. Em and I had discussed driving back late, but Graham had wanted us to stay and deep down I wanted to stay too. But, I missed my animals and my bed and was looking forward to being home. The drive today seemed long, but was only 5 hours, which was such a change from the 7 hour traffic ridden excursion we had last Wednesday. My dog, Kerry, was so excited to see me. He jumped up and was so snuggly. He normally isn't like that. So, I was very touched that I had been so missed!

One other thing of note from the weekend....Ruth made the best belgian waffles and put out a spread of toppings to die for....fresh blueberries, bananas, choc chips, syrup and other stuff I know I am forgetting! just delicious!!! I can't wait til we can cook those same kinds of breakfasts at our place!!

As for the apartment....we should know tomorrow what is going to happen. I am not holding my breath though and if that woman starts her weird stuff again, we are walking away.....sadly.....because it is just such a great apartment!

I hope this week will bring some much needed answers.....I have a good feeling about the job, but we'll see.....and I don't have a good feeling about the apartment, but we will be looking at some more this week. I will return to Chicago on Thursday, do some apartment hunting, we are going to Wisconsin and back on Friday.....and Saturday? It is me and Graham's first anniversary. We will be celebrating with a White Sox game. Our first date was a Cardinals game. I think we have started a tradition now :) A lot of ups and downs.....but I am doing my best to stay faithful and positive, but it is hard.....oh is it hard!

and now it's wednesday

2005-05-25T09:25:00.000-05:00

okay.....I better hear something about the job today, else I think my brain is going to explode!!

Em gets out of school at 11:30 and then we will be on the road to Chicago.......she is SO excited!! I am happy I will never have to commute her to school that far for one more day! woohoo!

I have a bunch of stuff to do before I get out of here, but can't seem to get motivated.

Post office and then hunting down some Vess soda for Allison in Chicago.....total redneck soda from the Lou.....good stuff!! :)

still waiting......

2005-05-24T16:15:00.000-05:00

4pm Tuesday.....nothing on the job......I am telling you, I don't know whether to laugh, cry or be angry.......argh!

The florist wasn't actually that bad.....it was fun looking through photos and her walk in fridge, looking at and smelling so many beautiful flowers......

I am thinking of a bouquet kinda like this? whatcha think? anyone?

I am on the overnight shift tonight with rape crisis.....if I get a call, tomorrow is going to be one really long day as I have to drive to Chicago after lunchtime.....

oooh the anticipation

2005-05-24T11:16:00.000-05:00

I can't take it anymore! I want to know about this job! Am I doomed to keep wandering the job boards or will I have something lined up?? I am supposed to know TODAY! I am going crazy!!

I had to take Kerry to the vet this morning. He has an open sore on his head and he has really bad hot spots on his skin and needs to be treated. They are sedating him and going to clean him up. I will get to pick him up by the end of the day.....my poor pup! I hope he is not too scared. I love that dog!!!

I have to go meet with the florist in an hour.....ugh.....please, let this stuff be over with already. I am so excited about the actually getting married part, but planning this wedding is a nightmare and such time consuming black hole.

interesting article about Christianity and the flag

2005-05-23T17:15:00.000-05:00

Why I Don’t Fly Old Glory - Valerie Weaver-Zercher (Mennonite Third Way Cafe - Peace and Patriotism)

     Never has the American flag been as chic as in the months following September 11. Like acorns that pile up in the fall, flags seem to be dropping from the sky and landing everywhere: from flower boxes and sofa covers to roadwork signs and my neighbor’s pants. “These colors don’t run,” proclaim T-shirts, with flags rippling across their fronts.

     Christian people across the nation are often among the proudest flag-flyers. Old Glory hangs in many churches, suggesting that Christians must unite behind their government and support their leaders with prayer and military service, if need be. Christians are also among those who refuse to display the flag. At a public prayer service for peace at the Pennsylvania State Capitol, on the day the United States started bombing Afghanistan, the only flag was one held by a counter-protester. He jeered at those gathered, “Not a flag among you! You must be Osama bin Laden’s fan club!”

     Funny how a piece of fabric can arouse such strong feelings. Indeed, that the flag is a symbol is what makes the discussion so tricky. Symbols, by definition, represent something else; they stand in place of an idea, a feeling, a story. So while the symbol itself remains static—a flag is a flag is a flag—the thoughts and emotions that it evokes are multiple and shifting.

     In a discussion with a friend, I realized the power of symbols. To her, flying a flag during a national crisis is a sign of mourning, of solidarity with the people who lost loved ones in the terrorist attacks, of identity with a homeland, of rootedness in her neighborhood, town, and country. Even though she disagrees with her government at times, the flag symbolizes her solidarity with neighbors and connections with a place.

     For me, it’s a different story. I cannot fly the American flag because to me, it is first a symbol of militarism. It is a sign of the wars that our government has waged to protect our economic and political interests at the expense of other peoples of the world. The wars have always resulted in the loss of life that military strategists call “collateral damage.”

     The flag reminds me of more than 100,000 people killed when my country dropped atomic bombs on Hiroshima and Nagasaki. It reminds me that military spending will devour 47 percent of the federal budget in 2002. It makes me think of husbands, sisters, fathers, and aunts being killed and killing others under orders from their government.

     To me, the flag also symbolizes my country’s overuse of global resources. We of the USA use more than our fair share of global resources. We consume twice as much energy per person as citizens of other industrialized nations, and 351 times as much as the average Ethiopian. The government of our rich nation allocates a lower percentage of our gross national product to foreign aid than any other Western nation.

     To me, the flag profoundly symbolizes nationalism, that commitment to nation that eclipses one’s commitment to anything or anyone else—such as God, family, the world. The flag asks for a complete allegiance I cannot give, because I am first of all a citizen under the reign of God. So even while I live in this nation, I am a stranger within it.

     Many of my actions answer the calls of both my country and Christ, such as taking food to a sick neighbor, giving money to my local fire department, or tutoring neighborhood kids. But what do I do when my country declares war? What can I do when my country’s sanctions lead to the deaths of 500,000 Iraqi infants? At these moments my citizenship under God’s reign must trump that of my nation. I must find ways to walk in Christ’s way of peace rather than my nation’s way of war.

     Don’t misunderstand: I am grateful for many values of this country, especially freedom of speech and freedom to worship. Following September 11, I found a new, deep sense of solidarity with my fellow citizens. As a friend said to me, “I think this week we learned that we’re Americans.”

     But many questions remain for me: How can I express my solidarity with both my fellow citizens and the people suffering in Afghanistan, Iraq, and other countries? How can I symbolize my commitment to peace in a nation hell-bent on war-making? How can I live as a faithful servant of Christ, who calls me to love and action, regardless of national boundaries?

     I don’t know how to answer all these questions, but I do know that they make it difficult for me to fly a flag. As North American Christians, we must disentangle ourselves from civil religion, the fusion of Christianity and patriotism, invoking God’s name to bless our nation and all its actions. Civil religion helps politicians because it turns critique of governmental actions into sin, or a sign of disrespect for God.

     We must always be cautious when Caesar quotes Scripture. If God is on our side, we can justify killing Afghans, starving Iraqi babies, and consuming more than our fair share of global resources. If God is on our side, we can justify just about anything. Patriotic religion nurtures an unquestioning narcissism of nation-love, not the costly discipleship of Christ.

     Churches, then, should be a haven from the kind of nationalism that flares up during times of war. We declare allegiance, not to a god of tribal loyalty, who fights on the side of “us” against “them,” but to a God who embraces all people. So although the flag represents different things to different people, an America flag in a church sanctuary signals a dangerous brew of nation and faith. The visible symbols in church should remind us of Christ’s way of suffering and love, not Caesar’s way of revenge. A cross, a dove, a globe, or a basin and towel point more appropriately to Christ’s compassionate, peaceful lifestyle.

      We need a new body of symbols for Christians who want to show their solidarity with fellow citizens and their allegiance to Christ’s way of peace. In this spirit, in this search for new symbols of Christian citizenship, I offer some ideas for congregations and individuals who struggle with the flag.
Discuss your feelings about the flag. Ask people in your congregation and community to describe emotions they feel when they look at an American flag. Listen to what they say, and speak honestly about your own responses. Open up a dialogue in your church about the flag. How has your denomination or congregation related to the flag? Discuss the topic with individuals and in small group settings.

     Use alternative symbols of mourning and solidarity with those who are suffering. Design a flag with a picture of the globe or a dove, for example. Display a rainbow-colored ribbon to show your solidarity with people across the world, or a black ribbon to show your grief during a tragedy. Make a banner with phrases like “United in Grief, Not in War.” Erect a “Peace Pole” on your church grounds, with the word “peace” carved in various languages.

     Display flags from various countries. This will symbolize your citizenship in the United States and the world. A church could display flags of its congregants’ countries, or of nations where the church has mission and service workers. (Small flags from UN-member countries are available from the UN Gift Centre; telephone 800-860-7752.)

     Speak to your elected representatives if they seek to legislate allegiance to the flag. During wartime, politicians are tempted to mandate loyalty to country, including pledging allegiance to the flag. A bill before the Pennsylvania legislature in October 2001 called for every school classroom to display a flag, and every teacher to lead students in the Pledge of Allegiance or the national anthem. Christians who believe in Christ’s way of peace must inform their elected representatives about why such a rule might force them to choose between violating the law or their conscience.

     Such ideas, including the choice not to display a flag, will be unpopular in the aftermath of national tragedies and during wartime. Some may view a refusal to show allegiance to the flag as silly or even as treasonous. Yet by using symbols other than the flag to express solidarity with those who suffer, at home and abroad, Christians can witness to the boundless love of a God who dwells both within and beyond our nation.

2005-05-23T16:59:00.000-05:00

Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you - Luke 6: 27-28